Parshas Toldos: The Value of Hard Work

Most of us would love a free handout.  Especially as Jews, we seem to be drawn to things that are “free,” be it a “buy one get one free” sale or simply something someone is willing to give us.   Many people play the lottery hoping to win millions of dollars for no effort at all.

Yet, the reality is that the things in life that value most to us are those for which we work the hardest.  Think about the accomplishments of which you are most proud.  You passed a difficult exam, came in first place in a marathon, or headed a project that changed the entire face of your company.  No matter what our age or life experience, we all have some things that make us feel really good about ourselves.

The one thing all of our diverse achievements have in common is that we worked hard to earn them.  It is why we will be telling everyone we meet about the book we published for the rest of our lives, while the large inheritance we got will pass quickly from our social conversation.  Things that we work hard to earn simply have more value to us.

Of course, all of our achievements are ultimately attributable to G-d. The credit we get for our mitzvot is on account of the effort we put in, not our actual accomplishments.  It is G-d who gives us the clarity of mind to pass that exam, the physical ability to run in the marathon, or the resources to pull off a big business project.  At any point in time, He can take these blessings from us.  This is why in Judaism, pride is not an admirable quality.  The line between pride and arrogance is a fine one.

There is one notable exception: When it comes to studying Torah.  When it comes to studying Torah it is acceptable to possess a small amount of pride.  A small amount of pride in Torah knowledge presents itself as confidence and can inspire others to learn Torah, too.

When Rivka was pregnant, she was in tremendous pain.  As she passed a house of idol worship, Esav would run to get out of her womb.  As she passed a house of Torah study, Yaakov would run to exit her womb.  It makes sense that Esav would want to escape to go serve idols, as was his nature, but it does not make sense that Yaakov would want to leave the womb.  After all, babies in the womb are taught the entire Torah.  Yet once they exit it, they forget all they have learned.  If Yaakov is so Torah-focused, why would he want to leave the womb where he knows all of Torah to enter the world knowing no Torah?

Yaakov wanted the opportunity to learn the Torah for himself.  It is our purpose in life to work hard to become closer to G-d, both through learning Torah and doing mitzvot.  When we work hard to do these things, we achieve our life’s purpose.  This is why it is necessary for a baby to forget all the Torah (s)he has learned: in order to re-learn it on his/her own.

We all have the opportunity to put effort into learning Torah and doing mitzvot and we should feel good about ourselves when we do so.  But why wait? Let’s start today!

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Chayei Sarah: Learning How to Love

It’s springtime at last and love is in the air.  Well, at least that’s how the saying goes.  Yet, our modern conception of love is perhaps not what it ought to be.  Today’s high divorce rate is a testament that many people are entering into marriage with love, but not retaining it.  So, what is love?

Love, in Judaism, is not just that gratuitous spark you feel inside when you first meet your mate.  In Judaism, love is a three-part project.  In the first stage, you get those amazing butterflies when you see your loved one.  This is seen as a kind of “free gift” – but generally it wears off pretty quickly.  It is there to show us what to aspire to.  In the second stage, you have to work at love.  You have to work with your spouse to build it up.  This is when most marriages fail because couples today do not associate hard work with love.  The final stage is when the fire of love returns to the pit of your belly.  But instead of being a “free gift,” this time it is a gift you’ve earned the right to, through hard work and dedication.

So how do we earn the spark back?  Well, in Judaism, the core of love is giving.  This is why Avraham is known for chessed, lovingkindness.  Avraham gave and gave and gave to others, and as a result he loved them.  When we go out of our way to give to our spouse, we are building love within ourselves.  This is why our love for our children is so extreme – we give to them with no expectation that they will give back – we give simply for the sake of giving, and in return we get that amazing, extreme feeling of love.

Now this week’s parsha makes sense.  How could Isaac love Rebecca?  She was just a child when she came to him.  How could Rebecca love Isaac? He was an old man to her.  Yet, they instantly fell in love.  They felt that sudden and gratuitous spark.  Then, as they got to know each other, they worked at love. They gave to each other. Rebecca took up residence in Sarah’s tent and brought light back to their camp as she took up Sarah’s role of giving to the men in the camp, providing them with food and quiet sanctuary.  Isaac finally had a woman in his life to give to in return.  They were complete.

This is the essence of love that we learn in Judaism, and it can be applied to anyone.  If there is someone with whom you are at odds, try giving to them.  (This is in fact the reason why we give gifts of food on Purim – we are supposed to give them first to people we have a dispute with, because the act of giving to another opens the doors of forgiveness and love within our own hearts.)  If you want to build a stronger relationship with your spouse (or your children or parents, or anyone at all), give more to them.  It doesn’t need to cost any money; perhaps what they need most is your time, a hug, or your help with something.  The most important thing is to give.  Giving builds love.

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Vayera:  Giving Your Best to Your Guests

One of the most exciting things about having a fixed address is that we can entertain guests.  In fact, I used to always insist she “wanted a kitchen.” “Just a kitchen?” Rabbi Ben would ask. “Well, a kitchen and a dining room… So I can cook and then have somewhere for people to eat when they come over,” I would reply.  “What about a bedroom?” “We can sleep under the dining room table.” “A bathroom?” “There’s always the great outdoors.”

The point of having a house is to use it for doing mitzvot like entertaining guests, not for our own comfort.  When people shop for a new house, they have numerous requirements: a Jacuzzi in the master bath, a big bedroom, a walk-in closet, a garage.  Our biggest requirement (perhaps our only requirement) was that it be outfitted well for entertaining: a sufficient kitchen and a nice big dining room.  Everything else is a bonus.

A brunch set up at our home, ready to feed as many guests as walk in the door!

We learn a lot about entertaining guests in this week’s parsha.  Avraham wants so badly to have guests that he is willing to sit outside in unbearable heat on the third day after his circumcision (when it is the most painful) just so he can look for guests.  And when some guests do come along, he goes overboard with the preparations and slaughters entire animals for them, in addition to having Sarah bake mountains of fresh bread.  Abraham wanted to give his guests the best of what he had.

Not only did he provide for their physical needs, but Avraham provided for their spiritual needs as well.  He was not bothered in the least that he would now spend hours entertaining total strangers.  He took their arrival as an opportunity to speak to them about G-d and feed them spiritually as well as physically.

So, too, must we when we entertain guests.  We should use the freshest produce, the nicest and ripest fruits and vegetables, the fanciest desserts.  We should pull out all the stops and do our best to make sure that the food on the table is so abundant there is no way it could all be finished.  No matter who or when or what or why, one should do their best to make themselves available to speak with or counsel anyone who needs it.  We must strive to make sure that nobody leaves our house hungry, spiritually or physically.

This is the ideal in Judaism and this is what we strive to emulate.  We Jews are happy when our tables are full of guests.  We are happy when we can offer someone else food or drink, or can give them a hug or a listening ear when they need it.  We are happy when we can give our very best to our guests.

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Noach: You Can Shut Down a Government, but You Cannot Shut Down a Jew

The US government shut down this week.  It’s happened before and no doubt it will happen again.  It has even happened in Australia.  But unlike Australia, where the Queen Mum intervened and fired everyone in Parliament, American Congress is left to sort itself out.

While this is certainly a bad situation for the USA to be in, it has been interesting watching friends’ commentaries back in the States.  Some are blaming the Democrats and some are blaming the Republicans. Some are blaming Congress and some are blaming the President.  Nobody seems to agree on anything; not who is to blame, and certainly not how to fix it.

Yet, the situation is definitely causing harm to the entire country, and is affecting all of its citizens.  Millions of people are out of work as Federal courts close, Federal contractors are dismissed unneeded, and any nonessential personnel are put on furlough.  The US dollar, which has already had a rough few years, takes another hit as the US government threatens to default on its overwhelming loans.

We have a theory as to why this is happening: greed and selfishness.  Instead of working together, all the parties are to blame.  And is this any surprise?  Modern Western culture is a culture of selfishness and greed.  The current generation is being called the “Me Generation,” as kids grow up with high expectations and parents are told over and over again to deny their kids nothing.  The media portrays wealth and constant attention as the ideal – even if it means you must turn from an innocent young girl into a sex symbol overnight, as Miley Cyrus has done. Corporate and personal greed know no bounds, as we’ve seen with companies like Enron and with the individuals running the myriad ponzi schemes that have surfaced in the last decade.  And the government is a key player in this game of greed: “I scratch your back, you scratch mine” is the name of the game in a country where banks fund political campaigns and politicians agree to give banks billions of dollars in bailouts.

This kind of atmosphere is not so different from the atmosphere in the times of Noach.  In this week’s parsha, we read about how G-d destroys the world to rid it of the corruption that had so completely taken hold.  G-d saves just one man and his family: Noach, who was called righteous.  He alone stood up to the norms of the time.  He alone did not engage in the corrupted culture that surrounded him.

Today we each must be our own Noach.  Surrounded by a culture of selfishness, we must make the decision to live a life where helping others is our main goal.  Surrounded by a culture of greed, we must be givers.  If we can succeed in doing this, we ensure that our lives and our relationships do not end up like the US government: shut down, stopped up, and doing irreparable harm to everyone around.

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Nitzavim-Vayeilech: How to Do Teshuvah and Why to Do Teshuvah

My spread for my pre-Rosh Hashanah Brunch... aren't you sorry you missed it?!

Rosh Hashanah is less than a week away and everyone seems to be swinging into action to celebrate.  Even here in Adelaide, which has a relatively small Jewish population, there has been a flood of pre-Rosh Hashanah activity.  The Jewish Community Services put on a pre-Rosh Hashanah lunch. I hosted a pre-Rosh Hashanah brunch. We’ll be hosting a melava malka to be followed by selichos.  And of course Rosh Hashanah itself is beginning on Wednesday night.  The clock is ticking!

It is not possible to approach this period of time without discussing the nature of teshuvah, or repentance.  As the mashal (parable) goes, the King (G-d) is in the field, just waiting for us to approach Him.  Now is the time we must work on repenting, not leave it until the last minute when we are being judged by Him on Rosh Hashanah or before the judgment is signed and sealed on Yom Kippur.

It is no coincidence that in this week’s parsha Moses speaks about the mitzvah of repentance.  Other religions also feature ways to repent of sins.  In some religions you do not need to do anything except confirm your beliefs.  In others, you have to do horrible and painful things to yourself.  Judaism is neither of these extremes.

In Judaism, in order to repent we must first leave the sin behind and commit to never do it again.  We cannot repent if we continue to do the sin.  Then, we must sincerely regret what we did.  G-d will know if our regret is genuine.  Then we must confess our sins before G-d.  If you try this, you may be surprised to find this last step is actually the hardest.  To actually say the words out loud can be the step that really makes your commitment feel true.  Because it can be so difficult, this is why we have communal confessions on Yom Kippur.  If we are saying the same words as everyone around us, they may be a bit easier to say.  Judaism does require us to make a commitment and to do something difficult in confessing it, but it does not require anything physically painful or difficult.

Once we have stopped doing the sin and have truly repented, our past sins are erased or, in some cases, are even turned into mitzvot!  Actually doing teshuvah is a mitzvah, in stopping doing sins we are instead doing mitzvot, and our past sins can even be turned into mitzvot.  That is pretty amazing!  Imagine having all those mitzvot weighing in on your side when you go before G-d for judgment this Rosh Hashanah.  Now is the time to go to G-d, while He is accessible and waiting for us to come repent.

So what are you waiting for? The time for teshuvah is now!

Shabbat Shalom & Shana Tova.

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Parshas Ki Savo: We Jews Are All Connected

Growing up in North America there was always one regular feature of summertime life: block parties. A block party is when all the neighbors on a street gather together to share food, music, fun, and even fireworks. The kids run amok and the parents talked and got to know each other. It was a great community builder. But it no longer seems to exist.

Since moving to Adelaide, no neighbors have come knocking to greet us. If not for the Jewish community, how would people in the suburbs meet each other anymore! When I recently walked past a next-door neighbor parking her car and stopped to chat, I asked why this is. “I guess we’re all just scared,” came the reply. “Everybody keeps to themselves these days!”

This might be all well and good in the secular world, but it won’t work in the Jewish world. As Jews, we are all intimately connected. In this week’s parsha we are reminded of the blessings and the curses G-d will give us if we obey (or disobey) His commandments. We are blessed if we do G-d’s will and cursed if we do not.

Yet how many times do we see great rabbis and tzaddikim living in poverty? Many times, we see that those who are most righteous seem to lead a life with fewer blessings. And those of us who fail each day in our mission to do G-d’s will seem to be far more blessed than they are. It doesn’t seem to make any sense!

The fact is that we are all interconnected. When one does a mitzvah, it’s not just the individual doing it for himself – he’s doing it for the entire community, for all the Jews. There are many stories of entire communities being saved from divine punishments just because one person who lived there did such a mitzvah it saved the whole group. Those who are truly righteous people often “give up” their spiritual reward so that we, who are not so holy, can instead have the benefits.

We cannot live isolated like so many people in the Western world do today. We cannot hide in our homes watching TV with no idea who lives around us. We are Jews. And we are all connected.

Shabbat Shalom!

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