During the times of the Temples Jews travelled to Jerusalem on pilgrimage three times a year. Thousands of Jews from all corners of Israel and neighbouring countries came to see and be seen during the festivals. On Passover they came to offer the Pascal sacrifice, and eat with family and friends. On Shavout (the harvest festival) they brought the Bikurim (the first fruits) to the priest in the Temple. Back then virtually everyone was a farmer and it boggles the mind to imagine the constant flow of pilgrims coming to Jerusalem with baskets of fruit.

Then there came the festival of Sukkot, and as the Talmud relates: “One who did not see the celebration [of Simcaht Beit Hashoeva, the water drawing] never saw a celebration in his life.” Imagine being there with perhaps hundreds of thousands of fellow Jews celebrating!

And Tisha B’Av brought an end to all of this. The Temples were destroyed and the Jews exiled. For the next two thousand years Jews sought refuge from place to place. Travel was no longer a time to celebrate, more likely it was running for your life with nothing but the shirt on your back. Crusades, Inquisitions, pogroms, a holocaust, and so much more.

Once again in the last couple of decades Jews have begun to travel for the festivals. All inclusive Passover retreats in America and Europe are popular, where participants can eat gourmet, be entertained by singers, performers, and comedians, all while the kids are kept busy with day camp activities. There are Sukkot getaways which offer more or less the same as the Passover ones. Should you choose not to go away for the whole week, there are still plenty of fun chol hamoed activities: fruit picking, circus performances, carnivals, museums, and even DisneyLand.

Please G-d may the third Beis Hamikdash be build speedily in our days, and we can once again celebrate with all Jews in Jerusalem.

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Idan Raichel: ANZAC Day, Memorial Day, and Yom HaZikaron

Today is ANZAC Day here in Australia.  This is the day when we honor the fallen soldiers who gave their lives defending the amazing country of Australia.  It is the Australian equivalent of the US Memorial Day, although in Australia the shops are closed (yes, even the major grocery stores), rather than having big sales.  People spend the day with family, visiting farms, having picnics, going to concerts.

Israeli soldiers stand on a sidewalk in front of a walk painted with the American flag

With Yom HaZikaron just a few short weeks ago, my remembrance of our fallen Jewish soldiers is fresh in my mind.  In America, Memorial Day has sadly become commercialized.  Every store puts American flags on its advertisements… seemingly trying to convince you that American soldiers have died (and are still dying) for your right to buy an Italian leather couch, a new SUV.  Where is the true gratitude?

Even here in Australia, ANZAC Day is different from Yom HaZikaron.  True, in Australia, fallen soldiers seem truly to be honored.  I have seen graffiti painted on walls reminding us of ANZAC, reminding us of the lost soldiers.  When graffiti artists see this as the message they want to tag on walls, you know you have a country that honors its soldiers. The shops are closed in reverence. And yet, something is different.

I think the difference is that Yom HaZikaron is personal, for ALL of us.  I would venture to say that nearly every Jew in Israel knows or has known or met a soldier who died defending the country.  Thank G-d, given the number of attacks, the death toll is remarkably small.  G-d is with us, always.  Yet, it is a small country.  If one person from a moshav or a yishuv dies in combat, the entire town will feel the loss.

Israeli soldiers guarding Kever Rochel in Bethlehem, both secular and charedi

Even more, we Jews are more than just a country, a nation.  We are a family.  If you found out that you had a cousin you’d never met who was just killed in combat, you would feel the loss.  Now I will never get to know him/her.  Blood ties run thick.  Family, at the core of our Jewish values, connects us.  And all of us Jews are family.  It is the reason we welcome traveling Jews to our Shabbos table every week, or the reason we let Jews without a place to sleep stay in our home.  We don’t need to know them.  They are family.  If your long lost uncle showed up at your door with nowhere to go, would you shut him out? Your cousin? Your brother or sister? Of course not!

And that is why on Yom HaZikaron, we feel the loss so deeply.  Wouldn’t it be beautiful if every person in every country could feel this way for the soldiers who have died defending them?  If we could all tap into that sensation that we are all of one family?  In the eyes of G-d, in the teachings of Judaism, every life – every life, not just Jewish lives – is sacred.  If one life is lost, it is a loss to the world, and a loss to each and every one of us.

In parting, I will leave you with this letter from famous Israeli musician Idan Raichel.  He speaks about his experience of Memorial Day versus Yom HaZikaron… and I hope that, on this ANZAC Day and every day of commemoration, his words will give us pause.

Hello, Its me, Idan,

writing this morning from Tel Aviv: Exactly a year ago, I was sitting with friends in Atlanta, Georgia, and telling them why, in Israel, stores and shopping malls don’t have Memorial Day sales.

I tried to explain to them how, unlike in America, Memorial Day is filled with such deep sorrow that it’s not a day for shopping trips or picnics in the park. I told them how every Memorial Day, my mother rides her bicycle from our house to the cemetery for fallen soldiers in Kfar Sava to visit the graves of two of her high school friends who never lived to be 21. She’s been making that trip every year for over 40 years.

I tried to explain to my friends in Atlanta about the minute of silence on Memorial Day eve, and the two minutes the next morning, during which the whole country stands still. They refuse to believe that an entire country completely freezes for a moment of remembrance − they try to imagine the sight, and to them it sounds like a scene from a movie.

I tried to explain to them how in just one moment as Memorial Day ends, like the moment that ends Shabbat and begins the new week, we transition from mourning to the happiest day of the year. We emerge from our great sadness, and while giving thanks to those who made it possible for us to be here, we begin Independence Day, and fireworks light up our beloved country.

I tried to explain how our great joy, a joy that doesn’t know left or right, rich or poor, native-born citizens or new immigrants, is about one thing − celebrating the fact that we are here. We are here in this crazy country of ours, where there’s always breaking news, where everything is tense and seems to be always teetering on the edge, but also where we have everything, old and new: Just a 15-minute drive away from the spot which housed the First Temple, built to praise God, where the Western Wall now stands, someone is filming the Big Brother reality TV show, complete with celebrity contestants.

We have sacred and secular here: We have old and new, Hebrew and Arabic, Russian and Amharic, Moroccan and Yemenite and more. In this country we live and celebrate independence, and democracy. We celebrate with old-fashioned sing-a-longs on kibbutzim, and trance parties in the desert. Happiness floods this country of ours, which after all is barely a dot on the world map, but makes a great deal of noise − as only we know how. Every Independence Day in Israel, throughout the country, everyone takes to the streets for celebrations that could hold their own against those of any country in the world.

I miss the days when I would go with my parents and siblings to the main square in Kfar Sava to join in the celebration. To my regret, but also to my great joy, I’ve been a performing musician from the age of 12 and since then, I’ve only experienced Independence Day from the other side − up on the big stage, facing a sea of people, tens of thousands in every city. In those huge crowds there are native Israelis together with new immigrants from every corner of the world. Big crowds weren’t something one used to see very often in the Middle East − not until the past two years.

On this Independence Day, I think about the people who have taken to the streets recently: in our country, in Egypt, in Syria, and many others. Millions of people who want not only to survive today, but to dream about what is possible tomorrow. People who are looking for new meaning in their independence, or trying to return independence to its original meaning.

Independence, and great hope.

Yours,
Idan Raichel

Read more on Yom HaZikaron: A Prayer for Israeli Soldiers

Rabbi Scheinberg has recently fallen ill and needs a Refuah Shleimah. We hope that learning his halachos regarding cleaning for Pesach will be a merit for him.

These notes are based on the responsa of Moreinu v’Rabbeinu HaGaon HaRav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, Shlita, Rosh Yeshiva Torah Ore, to questions posed by women attending his regular chizuk talks. They have been compiled by a group of his Talmidim.

PREFACE:
In former times, wealthy people who had large houses also had many servants who did their every bidding, while poor people, who could not afford servants, lived in small homes with one or two rooms. Understandably, the pre-Pessach chores of the rich were performed by the servants, while the poor, who had only their one or two rooms to clean, a few pieces of furniture, a minimum of utensils, and some clothing, took care of their needs themselves. In those days, the cleaning was hard. Tables were made of raw wood, requiring them to be scrubbed or even to be shaven to ensure that no pieces of food were hidden in the cracks. Earthen or wooden floors also needed to be thoroughly cleaned and scrubbed.

Today, we seem to be caught in a trap. The average modern home is larger than formerly. Furniture, utensils and clothing are much more plentiful. The average home today could compare with the more affluent homes of previous generations. However, we do not have the servants that they had, so that, today, all the chores fall on the housewife. At the same time, she feels obligated to clean and scrub as they did formerly, even though she has laminated furniture and tiled floors, making this type of cleaning unnecessary.

As a result of this, the pressure of pre-Pessach cleaning has reached unnecessary and overwhelming levels. The housewife often becomes overly nervous, unable to enjoy the Simchas Yom Tov of Pessach and unable to perform the mitzvahs and obligations of the Seder night.

INTRODUCTION:
Pessach, like every other Yom Tov, must be enjoyed by every member of the family, including women. This is an obligation clearly defined in the Torah as explained by Chazal zt”l. We can understand a person dreading Tisha B’Av but Pessach is to be looked forward to and anticipated with joy. Every woman should be well rested, relaxed, and alert at the Seder table so that she can fulfill all the Torah and Rabbinical obligations and follow the Hagadah with the rest of the family. Clearly, the performance of her pre-Pessach duties must be balanced against her Pessach obligations.

Pre-Pessach cleaning is required to avoid the danger of transgressing any Torah or Rabbinical prohibition of having chometz in the house on Pessach. It is evident from the responsa of the Rosh HaYeshiva, shlita, that this need not be excessive.

It is not the intention here to abolish Minhagim which have been passed down by Klal Yisroel from generation to generation. Nevertheless, some practices adopted by women in the Pessach cleaning today, are not an actual continuation of the old Minhagim. For example, if a person does not sell his chometz, of course it is necessary to check his utensils and to wash off any chometz left on them, or render the chometz inedible. But, if the chometz is sold, then washing the pots and pans and dishes which are going to be locked away is not necessary. One might be tempted to insist on doing the extra work anyway-to be “machmir” (stringent). However, in these stringency’s lies the grave danger of causing many laxities and brushing aside many mitzvahs completely, Torah and Rabbinical obligations which women are required to do on Pessach and particularly during the Seder. Many women like to do more “cleaning” than the bare minimum, to such an extent, that some even incorporate their general “spring cleaning” into the required Pre-Pessach chores. These extra exertions should not prevent them from fulfilling their obligations on Pessach, and particularly, on the Seder night.

GENERAL NOTES:
A. All property and possessions must be cleaned and checked to make sure that they are free of all chometz, except in the following cases:
B. If, during the year, chometz is not brought into a place, that place does not have to be cleaned out or checked for chometz.

C. Any article which is not used on Pessach does not need to be checked for chometz provided it is put away properly and the chometz is sold.

D. Crumbs which have been rendered completely inedible to the extent that they are not fit to be eaten by a dog are not considered chometz.

E. The general obligation to check for and destroy crumbs does not apply if the crumbs are less than the size of an olive (kezayis) and are dirty or spoiled enough to prevent a person from eating them.

F. The household cleaner mentioned below must spoil the crumbs slightly to the extent that people would refrain from eating them.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS:
1. CLOTHING CLOSETS: If there is some significant possibility that chometz went into them, they should be checked for fully edible crumbs of chometz, besides large pieces of chometz foods. If the probability that chometz entered these places is remote, a Rav can be consulted to clarify the conditions under which they do not have to be checked. This includes chests, dressers, basements, and all other similar cases (See General Note E).
2. FLOORS: In our times we don’t have earthen floors with deep cracks in them. It is sufficient for tiled or covered floors to be swept and washed with a household floor cleaner. The small cracks do not have to be checked if the cleaning solution reaches into them.

3. FOOD CABINETS: If the cabinet is not going to be used on Pessach see General Notes C & E above. If the cabinet is going to be used on Pessach, take out all of the food, and wash it with a rag soaked in a household cleaner. Be sure the cleansing agent reaches into all the cracks and soaks into any crumbs that might be left there. The usual practice is to line the cabinets.

4. REFRIGERATOR: Take the food out, and wash it with a rag soaked in a household cleaner. The racks are usually covered. (It is advisable to leave holes for air circulation.)

5. KASHERING SINKS: Clean the sinks, and pour a kettle of boiling water into them and on their sides. Some people pour hot water mixed with bleach down the drain. The usual practice today is to line the sinks (e.g. aluminum foil, contact paper) or to use an insert—if not difficult, this practice should be followed.

6. FAUCETS (TAPS): Cleaning, without any other kashering procedure, is sufficient.

7. MARBLE AND STAINLESS STEEL COUNTERS: If they were used for hot chometz they should first be cleaned well. Then either boiling hot water should be poured on them, or they should be completely covered so that nothing Pesach’dik touches them. Some people do both.

8. TABLETOPS: Wash them with a household cleaner. The usual practice is to cover the tables.

9. KASHERING RANGE/OVEN/STOVE-TOP: Wash the top and side surface areas with a rag soaked in a household cleaner. Some people cover it with aluminum foil. Old grates can be kashered by first cleaning them and then lighting all the burners, raising them to their maximum heat, and preferably putting on a “blech” while the burners are on. This spreads the heat over the whole top and intensifies the heat on the grates. Let it burn for 5-10 minutes.

OVEN: If the oven is going to be used:

(A) Wash out any edible chometz with a rag soaked in a household cleaner. If you suspect that there are any inaccessible crumbs or particles of chometz, then clean the oven with any of the regular oven-cleaners (e.g. Easy-Off). (After using the oven-cleaner, there is no need for further cleaning). Then heat the inside of the oven by turning the oven on the highest temperature for about one hour. (On electric ovens it should be determined whether the highest temperature is on “roasting” or “broil” (“Grill”). However, if a closed oven insert for baking and roasting is available, this would be preferable. In this case, only washing and cleaning are necessary.
(B) Do not use the chometz-dik oven racks for Pessach. If this is too difficult, then one can kasher the racks with the same procedure as for the oven.

(C) Chometz-dik baking and roasting pans should not be used for Pessach. In a case of extreme difficulty, where one can not obtain Pessach-dik pans, the procedure for kashering an oven (see (A) above) may be used on the pans if they have not been used for 24 hours. However, care must be taken to clean any chometz which may be embedded under the lip or rim, etc. If the oven is not going to be used: None of the above is necessary. Just make certain that there is no edible chometz inside, tape it closed well and see below #10.

10. POTS, PANS, DISHES, & SILVERWARE (CUTLERY): Whatever is not going to be used for Pessach should either be locked up, or put away and sealed in a manner which will remind you not to use them on Pessach. If there is a possibility of actual chometz in them, the chometz should be sold (See Gen. Note C.). If you do not sell chometz, then they should either be washed or soaked in a household cleaner; it is not necessary to scrub them. (Concerning Kashering utensils for Pessach consult a Rav.)
11. FOOD PROCESSOR/MIXER: A Rav should be consulted.

12. DISH TOWELS: If one does not have a Pesach’dik set of dish towels, then one’s regular dish towels may be used if they are washed with detergent and no food remains attached to them. (It is customary to have a set of Pesach’dik dish towels).

13. PESACH TABLECLOTHS: These can be ironed with the same iron as is used during the rest of the year.

14. CLOTHES, BLANKETS, POCKETS, ETC.: If they have been washed in detergent or dry cleaned, then there is no need for them to be checked (see General Note E). Otherwise, they need to be cleaned and checked thoroughly by brushing or shaking them out well. However, if there is a possibility of crumbs between the stitches or in a hidden crevice which cannot be shaken out, then they must be wiped with a rag which has been soaked in a detergent. Clothes which will not be worn on Pessach do not have to be checked, but they should be put away and the chometz in them sold ( see General Note C. And Sec. 10 on Pots and Pans).

15. SIDDURIM, BENCHERS, SEFORIM, & BOOKS: If there is a chance that they contain chometz crumbs, then they should either be put away and sold with the other chometz utensils (See General Notes C.), or cleaned and checked well.

16. TOYS: If there is edible chometz, then it should either be removed, or rendered inedible (See General Notes E). There is no need to scrub them.

17. TECHINA AND OTHER KITNIYUS: May be used after the house has been cleaned for Pessach. They should not be cooked in utensils that will be used on Pessach, and certainly not on Pessach itself ( according to the Askenaz Minhag).

18. CHECKING THE ROOMS: If it is too difficult to check all the rooms on one night, then the work may be divided and done on other nights (according to all the Laws of Bedikas Chometz). No chometz should be left in any room that has been cleaned and checked properly. Since the brocha is not recited before the night of the l4th, therefore, at least one place that has chometz should be left unchecked. Then, the mitzvah of Bedikas Chometz can be performed with a brocha on the night of the 14th on that area. If the whole house has already been completely cleaned before the l4th, then the l0 pieces of chometz (according to the Minhag) should be hidden by somebody else so that proper bedikah can be made.

19. FOOD THAT FALLS onto a chair or onto the floor on Pessach should be washed off for hygienic reasons. The food does not become chometz even if the food is hot.

20. LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS: For example, setting the table, etc., should be completed early enough in the day, so that you will be able to rest a little bit. Be ready to start the Seder immediately after Maariv, to ensure that the children won’t fall asleep at the Seder.

21. ENJOY PESACH! Try to make the Pessach chores easy for yourself. Don’t do unnecessary hard work. Don’t do unnecessary cleaning. YOU can be like a Queen and you must enjoy Pessach.

BASIC LAWS OF THE SEDER

INTRODUCTION:
Some women have a habit of taking a bite of matzo, then running back and forth to the kitchen taking a few more bites in between. In this way, it takes them too long to eat the matzo, and they do not fulfill the mitzvah properly. The same is true about the wine, maror, korech, and afikomen. Therefore, do not leave the table until you have finished eating the required amount. Sit like a Queen! Relax and be calm while eating and drinking the matzo and wine within the time limit. The cooking can be checked after completing the mitzvahs. Remember..these are mitzvahs that can be done only once a year, so enjoy them and enjoy the whole Seder.
There are many laws about which there exist numerous opinions. It is beyond the scope of this pamphlet to encompass all of the opinions. Many people choose to be more stringent on various issues. Much can be written about each and every detail. The laws contained herein are the basic requirements to fulfill the Halachic obligations. If this is difficult, a Halachic authority should be consulted.

MATZOH AND MAROR:
SIZE: The size of a kezayis is a measurement in volume equal to the volume of half an egg. There is a difference of opinion if our eggs are smaller than those at the time of the Talmud. According to the Chazon Ish zt’l the size of kezayis d’oraisa is 45-50 cc. And according to the Hagaon Harav A. Chaim No’eh zt’l it is 25.6-28.8 cc. According to the Mishna Brura for a Mitzvah d’Oraisa we should measure according to the larger shiur (size) and for a Mitzvah d’Rabbonon it is permissible to rely on the smaller shiur.
It is very hard to give an exact standard shiur for the amount of hand matzo that one has to eat for a kezayis d’Oraisa and a kezayis d’rabbonon; therefore a Rav should be consulted. However, one can rely on the fact that by breaking the matzo into small pieces an then filling up one’s mouth with as much as possible (remaining relaxed) leaving minimal room for chewing afterwards, one will have eaten enough to fulfill one’s obligation of the Mitzvah of eating Motzei Matzo.

It should be noted that:

1. Hand matzo should be used for Motzei Matzo, Korech, and afikomen. If this is impossible then a Rav should be consulted.
2. Korech is a Mitzvah d’Rabbonon and requires a kezayis of matzo and a kezayis of maror.

3. Elderly people or those unable to meet these requirements should consult a Rav.

4. Afikomen is a Mitzvah d’Rabbonon and requires a kezayis of matzo. It would be preferable to eat 2 kezaysim.

TIME LIMIT:
1. If possible it is preferable to try and swallow one kezayis at one time. Otherwise, it is preferable that the kezayis for the Mitzvah d’Oraisa of Matzo should be eaten within two minutes, or at least four minutes.
2. 5-6 minutes is acceptable by some Rabbinical authorities.

3. Relax, chew well and then begin swallowing. The time limit starts from when you begin swallowing.

4. Under very exceptional circumstances, 9 minutes is also acceptable.

5. If one encounters difficulty, a small amount of water may be sipped while chewing.

THE FOUR CUPS:
WHAT TO DRINK:
1. Red wine is preferable.

2. If one cannot drink wine he may use grape juice.

3. Those allergic to wine and to grape juice may use a “Chamer Medina”, for example tea and coffee.

SIZE: 1. The cup used must contain at least a revi’is.

To avoid drowsiness: (a) use a cup that does not exceed a minimum shiur (size). (When the Seder falls out on Friday night, a larger shiur or revi’is should be used for the First Cup. (B) One may drink a glass of water immediately after swallowing the wine. (The water should be on the table at the time that one says the brocha of Borei Pri Hagafen so that the water is included in the brocha on the wine.

2. Preferably, one should drink the entire cup.

3. If this is very difficult, then drinking most of the cup is sufficient.

Under exceptional conditions, drinking most of the revi’is is acceptable, even if the cup is much larger than a revi’is.

TIME LIMIT: Preferably, two swallows. If this is difficult then up to 4 minutes is acceptable. If necessary 5 or 6 minutes is also acceptable by some Poskim.

HAGADAH: The proper time for starting the Seder is right after tzeis hakochovim. Upon arriving home from Maariv one should start the Seder promptly in order that the children should not fall asleep before eating the Matzo and Maror and the meal. Therefore, one should say the Hagadah as quickly as possible, and save the commentaries for later on.

LEANING: The mitzvah of “Hasaivah”, is to give one a feeling of freedom; one must lean on the left side, however, one should not lean in an uncomfortable manner. The Minhag is that women do not lean.

Megillat Esther was read by Hmong-Rabbi Ben along with the help of Adelaide’s Jewish Batman David Benveniste and Kermit the Frogs brother Timrek. Rebetzin Rachel and young Akiva joined along from their Hmong village in Northern Thailand.
The community enjoyed a BBQ seudah with sausages, salad, and apple cider.
Thank you to all that helped with the food preparation and for organizing the event.

Hoshana Raba: We Can All Be Kings

I’ve traveled all over the world, but I have never met a king.  Rabbi Ben has seen the queen and been able to make a bracha on seeing her, but I have not.  And anyhow, a king or queen today, in most countries at least, does not seem to have the power they once did.

I have seen castles and palaces all over the world.  Seeing the stunning buildings the leaders erected way back when is a testament to their power.  But they don’t have that power anymore and I have never even met a king.

Today is Hoshana Raba, and we have a tradition that ushpizin, spiritual guests, visit our sukkot each day of the holiday.  Today’s guest is David HaMelech, King David.  What can we learn from him as he is visiting us? We can learn how to be a king.

You see, David HaMelech was not the first king.  King Shaul came before him, but yet he does not visit our sukkot as an example of what it means to be a king.  What makes them different? What makes King David special?  And why is he visiting us on Hoshana Raba, specifically, they day when the books of judgment are put away, and the day on which our mayim, our material blessings for the next year, are judged?

Rabbi Moshe Hauer explains that two incidents illuminate the differences between King Shaul and King David, and also show exactly why King David is visiting us on Hoshana Raba.

King Shaul was commanded by Hashem to kill all of Amalek.  When Shmuel HaNavi, Shmuel the prophet, came to him and asked him about it, King Shaul’s first response was, “I did exactly what you told me to do!”  But he had been commanded to kill all of Amalek, including all the people and all the animals, and he hadn’t done that.  Shmuel called him out on it and said, “Oh really? Then what are all those sheep I hear?”  King Shaul knew he was caught, so he tried to pass the buck, saying, “Well, the people really wanted to keep the sheep to make sacrifices to HaShem (G-d)!”  Shmuel called him out on that, too, saying, “No, you are the king, not the people. The responsibility ultimately lies with you!”  And even then King Shaul was afraid to accept responsibility. “Okay, you’re right, I did it, but please Shmuel, will you walk with me before the people just as you always have?”  Shaul was afraid of the consequences of his actions even when he finally did take responsibility.

King David also sinned, when he took Bathsheva for his wife prematurely.  He sent her husband out to war so he would be killed and he could take Bathsheva for his own.  Now, King David knew that Bathsheva was his beshert, his soul mate, his divinely intended.  He knew that, but instead of waiting, he took her for himself early.  And when he was confronted with this sin, he said just one thing: “I sinned.”  He didn’t make excuses.  He didn’t say, “Well, I knew she was my beshert anyway!”  He didn’t try to pass the buck and blame Bathsheva.  He didn’t shrink away from the consequences of his actions. He said, very simply, “I sinned.”  And he asked HaShem to forgive him.  He did teshuva, repentance.  And his teshuva was accepted.

This is what true kingship is about and this is why King David, of all the kings of Israel, is the one to visit us on Hoshana Raba.  When G-d is just putting away the books that contain our fate for the upcoming year, He still hopes for us to repent at the last minute.  He still hopes we’ll beg Him to re-open the books and re-write our fate for the better.  And He wants to remind us all that we are the princes and princesses of Israel and we all have the potential to grow into ourselves, to become kings and queens through our sincere teshuva.

Wishing you all a chag sameach!

Yom Kippur: Facing Your Truth

Every year I look forward to Kol Nidre.   Not with the same joyful anticipation I feel when I look forward with smiles to the delicious holiday of Shavuot, the bright lights of Chanukkah, or the partying of Purim, but with bated breath nonetheless.

On Kol Nidre I go to shul and I hide as far in the back as I can.  I bury myself in my machzor and hide my face. I make sure to have a plentiful supply of tissues secreted up my sleeve.  And I let go.  And I cry.

I hate crying in public. It seems like such a weakness, like admitting to some sort of inner failure. In Western society it is perceived as not being the strong person you’re expected to be.  But on Yom Kippur, that’s not why I hide when I cry, but rather, for the opposite reason: I don’t want people to think my tears false, attention-seeking, or holier-than-thou. I want to be left alone to cry.  The chazan’s voice, now the voice of my beloved husband, never fails to transport me to a higher plane.  It is my time to cry – alone – with Hashem.

You see, Yom Kippur is the ultimate moment when we each must really and truly face ourselves.  It is our last chance before that great Book is sealed.  It is our last chance. Our last chance.

I usually fall behind in the davening.  It’s not because I am busy crying, as I explained above, but falling behind is, in part, the reason I’m crying.  Perhaps falling behind in the davening is symbolic of how I’m constantly falling behind in my service of Hashem. I have a hard time keeping up with what Hashem expects of me. I can’t fairly judge others but in fairness, I admit that I don’t always think I keep up with the crowd when it comes to serving Hashem.  But let’s be real – I’m not crying because I’ve fallen behind in the davening and I’m not thinking deeply about the symbolic meaning behind falling behind.

I’m falling behind in my davening and I’m crying for one and the same reason: I’m facing myself and I don’t like what I see.  I read each line in viduy and I see myself in it. I make a public confession and I mean every word of it. “We have robbed” – have I failed to say hello to someone who greeted me? Have I borrowed something and not returned it? “We have slandered” – have I listened to or spoken any gossip?  ”We have lied” – even by leading someone to make an erroneous assumption. “We have given evil counsel” – have I given bad advice? Have I somehow led someone astray? Have I offered justification for bad behavior? “We have scoffed” – have I looked at another person and thought myself better than them? Have I not just thought, but even spoken, those words?

And so on and so forth.

As I recite the Yom Kippur prayers, I force myself to stop and think about every single word. I force myself to dig down into my year – indeed, my entire life – searching to find what I have done wrong. Forcing myself to stare myself in the face. My real, ugly, inner face. That face we all hide, even from ourselves, of every little hidden sin we commit. All those things we try to hide, all those things we justify. And, inevitably, I find things I wish I didn’t see. I find thoughts, words, and deeds, that I wish I hadn’t done. I see just how wrong I was and why.  And that is what makes me cry.

And when I’m done with examining myself, I examine all the other parts of myself – my fellow Jews.  Not in a judgmental kind of way, no, of course not! But, as we learned out from the recent parsha of Nitzavim, we are all responsible for our fellow Jews.  So I consider – how many sins have my fellow Jews committed that I am now responsible for? I bear the weight of responsibility for the likes of Madoff.  I bear responsibility for every crime any Jew has committed. I bear responsibility for every bite of non-kosher food that’s been swallowed. They are my sins. My murders, my rapes, my thefts, my affairs, my lies, my slander, my sins, all my sins. And when you realize the truth, the weight of all these sins, of course, of course you cry. I cry. And cry.

For Yom Kippur is not a time for mindless ritual. It is not a time to go to shul just to hear the chazan’s beautiful voice (although if Rabbi Ben is the chazan I couldn’t blame you!). It is a time to truly face ourselves. To truly take responsibility for everything we do and have done.  It is too difficult for me to handle doing this at any other time. It is too shocking, too raw.  On any other day, I am too frightened.  But on Yom Kippur, I find the courage to face myself. To face my true self, with all my flaws.

But when Yom Kippur is done and, please G-d, my teshuva (repentance) has been pure enough to be accepted by G-d, I can walk away feeling light and free. I can walk away with my head held high, renewed, rejuvenated, forgiven, for I have repented of my sins, all of them.  Like my wedding day, I walk away elated, clean and new… and loving myself, the real me, the true me: the me with all the shmutz removed.

May we all have a meaningful and moving Yom Kippur, may our teshuva be true and deep and accepted by Hashem, and may we all be written and sealed in the Book of Life for a good year.

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