It’s Tisha B’Av and I’m Scared
This morning I woke up and the first thing I wanted was a nice, hot shower. It’s the dead of winter and with extreme lows and our heating off, I’m freezing. I have a cold. A nice, hot shower would be the very best thing I can imagine right now. But no hot showers for me, no way! Because as soon as the thought of a hot shower crossed my mind, the realization that Tisha B’Av starts tomorrow night hit me like a slap in the face. Here we are in the 9 days leading up to Tisha B’Av – how can I even think of taking a pleasant hot shower now?
These past few weeks have been harrowing for me. The war going on in Israel has placed an ice cold shard of fear in my heart. Those are not just people living there! They are my family! And they are under attack. Tisha B’Av and the 3 week mourning period leading up to it has never been more real for me – except once.
It was actually exactly 7 years ago that I first met Rabbi Ben, during this same 9 day period leading up to Tisha B’Av. I was traveling in Peru, only I hadn’t considered the Jewish calendar until after I’d booked my holiday there. I had a tightly packed schedule and not much wiggle room. I had to be in Lima on certain days and in Machu Picchu on one day in particular. With chagrin I realized that erev Tisha B’Av was my one and only day to visit the world wonder. I planned to visit the mountain’s cafe and guzzle as much water as I could hold just before sunset but alas, the shop was closed when I got there.
That Tisha B’Av was destined to be hard, as I didn’t have a meal or good drink beforehand, but had instead spent the entire day hiking from sunrise to sunset. But that’s not what makes it stand out in my mind, oh no! While hiking I had met a group of friendly Chileans and decided to travel back to Cuzco with them that night. My hotel in Aguas Calientes had tried to cheat me and I didn’t want to stay there another night – better to travel straight back to Cuzco.
However, when we boarded the bus, it was immediately clear that the driver had been drinking. Heavily. Many of the passengers complained but the bus lurched into motion anyway – with me on it! It was only then that I remembered with a shock that I was actually traveling on Tisha B’Av. The bus swayed along a narrow road and as I looked out the window I could see straight down the side of a steep cliff. The reality of my situation was that I was staring death in the face and I was terrified. I began davening with more kavanah than I ever have in my entire life. Tisha B’Av was upon us. The tragedy of the Jewish people now became my tragedy personally and I could feel the fear of life and death that reminds us of our mourning for the Temple and all we have lost.
Fortunately my prayers were answered and as the bus lurched into the next town, the police stopped it (due to the banging on windows and screaming from passengers) and made the driver dry out before sending us on our way. But I will never forget the feeling of abject fear as I realized this was no ordinary day. This was Tisha B’Av and it was, literally and figuratively, a black one.
Now more than ever we must recognize the reality of Tisha B’Av that we are facing. Is the timing of these terrorist attacks on our people a coincidence? Of course not. It is Tisha B’Av! Time to wake up! We are in a period of intense mourning now and we should feel that now more than ever.
It is Tisha B’Av and I’m scared. There are no two ways about it. As the dreaded day draws nearer and I hear reports of soldiers killed (one whose wife gave birth just after he was killed, another who was engaged to be married in 3 months) and of a soldier kidnapped, I literally shiver. If this is what happens to us in the 3 weeks, if this is what happens to us in the 9 days, what will happen to us when Tisha B’Av actually arrives?
What we must do – the ONLY thing we can do – is to increase our teshuva. Increase our prayers. Give extra tzedaka. Work hard, so very hard, on rectifying the sin of sinas chinam that brought us to this point. Remember, at the siege of Jerusalem it was not the Romans who defeated the Jews – it was the Jews who defeated the Jews. There was food and water enough for 7 years but it was destroyed by the Jews fighting one another. Now that we are under siege again – this time in the form of all of Israel – we must not destroy ourselves by fighting one another. Reach out, love your fellow Jews, and please show as much support for our brothers and sisters in the Holy Land as you possibly can!
Here are some ideas for some good charities if you want to give tzedaka:
Friends of the IDF - support the soldiers who protect us
Neve Yerushalayim – support women learning Torah
Aish HaTorah – support men and women learning Torah
Chabad.org – support people worldwide learning Torah online
Karmey Chesed – support families and soldiers in need
Keren Hashviis – support farmers keeping Shmitta year in Israel (with rocket attacks harder than ever!)
If you are a US citizen, please contact your senators to thank them personally for their continued support of Israel! The US Senate recently approved additional funding for Iron Dome in Israel! If we all write to express our gratitude for their support, they will give even more support!
Wishing you all an easy fast this Tish B’Av and praying that Hashem should have mercy on us and send us Moshiach soon!
