Parshas Korach: Being a Leader is Hard

Parshas Korach: Being a Leader is Hard

When I first became religious, I admired the rabbis in my community.  My rabbi, or any rabbi, commanded respect from the community.  Even if you didn’t like them much or even if you disagreed with them, they always commanded respect.  I looked up to the wives, too, those women who manage to marry such paragons of Jewish leadership.  When I became one myself and married Rabbi Ben, it was a little bit like winning the ba’al teshuva lottery.  I felt like I was suddenly a spiritual millionaire.

But being on the other side of the fence now, I see that my one small viewpoint was not always correct.  Being a member of the clergy, rather than a member of the congregation, I see how hard a rabbi works.  I know firsthand how hard a rabbi’s wife works.  Many of my friends are also rebbetzins, constantly cooking, cleaning, phones that never stop ringing, chasing children, helping people… doing, doing, doing, and always for others.  Being a rabbi is a lot of hard work.

But being a leader is not without its pitfalls.  In this week’s parsha, everyone seems to focus on Korach, the rebel, the guy for whom the parsha is named.  He’s the bad guy, he’s the star of the show.  But what about Moshe Rabbeinu?  I hardly hear him discussed except in hindsight as the victor.  As we all know, it is the winner of the war who writes the history book on it.  We look back and think of Korach as this bad guy who dared talk back to the all-knowing and fantastic leader that Moshe was. But what happened at that time? How did Moshe feel in that moment? What really happened?

Here’s the story: Moshe as leader had to make decisions and declarations.  He denied Korach a post he wanted and that upset Korach.  Upset, offended, and hurt Korach a lot.  But it wasn’t just so offensive that Korach decided not to come back for minyan anymore – he wasn’t simply resolved to refuse Moshe’s future invites to Shabbos dinner.  Korach was offended enough that he had to tell other people about what had happened to him.  And what Moshe had done was so inflammatory that thousands of other people – people who were not even directly affected by Moshe’s decision, took such offense that they decided to join Korach in a rebellion.

Now, that’s no small offense that Moshe caused.  What could he have done differently? Is there some other way he could have spoken to Korach so as not to offend him so much? Did Korach have some past history he was carrying with him that Moshe should have known about and taken into consideration? What if Moshe did not – could not – have known about that emotional trauma Korach had?  If he did, surely he would have taken it into consideration and spoken differently, handled the situation in some other way, made sure not to upset Korach to such an extent.

And how did Moshe feel when he saw what had happened? This is, remember, the man that cared so much for the Jewish people that he was willing to throw himself on the ground and cry to Hashem to spare them. He spent weeks – literally weeks! – praying for the good of these people, that they be spared from calamity.  He cared more for the Jewish people than himself (remember, he was willing to give up G-d’s promise of making his offspring only into a nation – in order that the Jewish people should be saved).  How would he have felt upon seeing that his words, that something he had said, had caused so much hurt and discontent in one of his congregants?  He surely would have been much aggrieved.  It obviously was not his intention.

We must assume that if it had been possible for Moshe to repair the relationship, he would have.  Aharon, the great peacemaker, was certainly present and if he had been able to make peace, he would have.  Even at the point of open rebellion, G-d desires teshuva and He surely would have accepted Korach’s, too, if Korach had been willing.  And Moshe, who would do anything – anything! – to save the Jewish people surely would have done everything in his power to bring this about . . . if it was only possible. But with Korach it wasn’t.

We have to remember this when dealing with our own community leaders.  Our rabbis and rebbetzins are people, too.  They don’t know our whole life’s history, they don’t know all the emotional baggage we carry, they don’t know about all of our emotional traumas.  They misspeak sometimes, phrase something badly, or say something that offends us without even knowing.  As rabbis, we hold them to a higher standard and expect them simply to know better.  But being a rabbi or rebbetzin does not make you omniscient.  It does not mean you know everything.

So next time your rabbi or rebbetzin says or does something that you find offensive, perhaps ask yourself why it is offensive.  Is it because of an experience you had in the past? What is your relationship with them like? If they knew they were offending you, do you honestly think they still would have said what they did? Do you truly believe they singled you out with that goal in mind, that they want to say this to hurt you?  The answer is almost always no.  Community leaders want to lead, not chase away! And as leaders, they certainly do not want to offend or hurt anyone.  But unfortunately, leaders are just people, too, and sometimes they say things the wrong way.  Sometimes they tell us things we do not want to hear.  Sometimes they will do or say something to offend us or upset us – but they don’t intend to, really don’t want to – they just don’t know, don’t realize.  They are doing a hard job, doing a lot of work all with the goal of helping others. But that doesn’t mean they’ll never make mistakes.

Hey, if it can happen to Moshe Rabbeinu, it can happen to your rabbi, too.  Next time, try giving them – and anyone – the benefit of the doubt.

Shabbat shalom.

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