Parshas Korach: The Wife in Judaism

Parshas Korach: The Wife in Judaism

I’ve learned that different cultures have different ways of viewing women.  I’ve seen women empowered. I’ve seen women held back. I’ve seen women who are able to hold top jobs, and those whose societies don’t even approve of them driving cars. I’ve traveled in places where the women expose everything (literally everything, in some parts of Europe!), and I’ve traveled in places (like Jordan) where they expose nothing.  I’ve traveled solo through South America without a problem, and been on my own in India, where a woman never travels without a chaperone (and experienced problems because of it).

So it always comes as a surprise when people, usually other Jews, comment to me that orthodox Judaism is “chauvinistic.”  I’ve been to enough places and seen enough in my life to feel that I have a pretty good perspective on the way women are treated in different cultures – and in my own.

Now, I chose to be observant (as every religious Jew ought to, every single day).  Each morning I wake up and I make a conscious decision of how to dress, how to act, what to eat – everything in my life is a choice, every day.  I could choose not to be a part of this lifestyle and community. But I choose to embrace it instead. Why would I, an avowed feminist, choose to be a religious Jew if it was chauvinistic?!

Obviously, I wouldn’t.  I choose Judaism for plenty of reasons, but a G-d who favors one sex to “dominate” or “subjugate” another wouldn’t make sense to me.   Judaism isn’t like that at all.  As a woman, Judaism gives me plenty of power, plenty of self-esteem, plenty of self-worth.

This parsha is a perfect example of the importance women play in our religion.  It may not seem so on the surface, but then again, most of religious Judaism isn’t learned at the “surface level.”  Of course, the parsha is named after a man, Korach, and he and Moshe (Moses) – men – are the “main characters.”  Yet, it is really the women in the story who are the responsible players; they are the driving force.  Without the actions of the women in this story, it would never have happened.  Most important to this story are the wives.

There are two wives we learn about both in the parsha and in its attendant midrash who teach us about the role of the wife in Judaism, her power, her responsibility, and her importance.  The first is Korach’s wife.  Korach wanted to rebel against Moshe.  His wife encouraged him, goading him on, telling him that Moshe’s “nepotism” wasn’t fair and that he (Korach, her beloved husband) is the very best and therefore deserves to be the leader. Without her encouragement and support, the rebellion against Moshe would never have happened.  This whole entire story comes down to the role of the woman behind the scenes.

But there’s another important wife in this story, and no, it isn’t Moshe’s.  It’s the wife of a man named O’ne ben Peles.  O’ne ben Peles was a follower of Korach, but unlike Korach, his wife didn’t support his rebelling against Moshe.  She tried everything to persuade him to give up this pursuit.  But when logical arguments (“Honey, whether Korach wins or Moshe does, you’ll still be only second best – you don’t stand to gain a thing from this!”) failed, she was willing to go to more drastic lengths. When time for the rebellion came, she got her hubby drunk and made sure he passed out.  Then she sat in her doorway with her hair uncovered, immodestly dressed so that Korach’s other cohorts couldn’t get past her to get in the house and take O’ne with them – they couldn’t even look at her.  She protected her husband using every avenue possible.  She knew this rebellion was bad business.

We learn from these two examples how important a wife really is.  Her support – or lack thereof – has a real impact not only on her marriage but  on her entire family.  Korach’s wife supported a bad endeavor and it brought about the downfall of his entire family.  (Not only the men, but their wives and children – even the infants – were killed in the rebellion.)  On the other hand, O’ne ben Peles’s wife’s wisdom saved her entire family.

We learn in Judaism that men are like conduits, pipelines that connect to creativity.  Men draw down ideas, but they need women to turn them into something.  Men need women to tell them what is a good idea and what is a bad idea.  Men were given an extra portion of chochma – knowledge – but women were given an extra portion of bina, wisdom.  And it is wisdom that enables women to determine if a thought or idea is a good one or a bad one.  It’s a big responsibility for a Jewish wife.

Of course, this means that it’s really important for men to listen to their wives (Rabbi Ben, are you listening??).  Men in Judaism are supposed to listen to the wisdom of their wives.  Wives are incredibly important – women have a vital role to play in Judaism.

So to all the ladies out there – remember to use your wisdom wisely this week! And to all the men – listen to the women in your lives!

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Korach: The Battle Between Ego and Self-Esteem