Parshas Shemini: Mourning a Loss
Sadly, our congregation has suffered two losses this week. Our hearts and prayers are with the mourners; they should be consoled amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
How fitting, then, that this week’s parsha also features two sad deaths. Two of Aaron’s four sons, Nadav and Avihu, bring an unbidden incense offering to G-d in the Tabernacle. G-d sends down a fire to consume the offerings, but that fire consumes the men also, and they die.
Who can ever contemplate the pain suffered by a parent upon the loss of a child? This is suffering none of us wants even to imagine. Just the thought of losing a loved one causes us to catch our breath in our throats. Our hearts skip a beat. And the feeling of utter devastation when we do actually experience a loss defies words. The loss is total and complete.
This is why we sit shiva. Judaism in all its beauty and wisdom acknowledges that pain. We are permitted for seven days after the funeral (excepting Shabbos) to mourn as deeply as we need to. Friends, acquaintances, and even caring strangers may come to visit the shiva house because pain is easier to bear when the house is full than when it is empty. And at the end of that week, we rise from our shiva but we do not resume our normal life. We continue an abridged mourning ritual for the first month, and a lighter form still during the first year. In this way, mourning follows a natural progression.
But poor Aaron who lost his sons! He was not permitted to sit shiva. They were the only priests in the entire Jewish nation. There was nobody to take over from them while they mourned, so they had to set aside their mourning and continue in their duties.
Moses tries to comfort Aaron, telling him that G-d has brought Nadav and Avihu close to him as sacrifices out of His great love for them. Perhaps Aaron thought his sons were killed as a punishment for bringing the unbidden sacrifice. ‘No,’ Moses tells him, ‘they were killed because they were on a higher level than the two of us put together!’ But Aaron is silent in the face of his brother’s attempt to comfort him.
Perhaps this is a lesson for all of us when we visit someone in mourning. Trite words and platitudes cannot help someone who is hurting so much. To say, “he’s in a better place now” or, “G-d loved her so much He called her back to Him” do not really make a person feel better when they are deep in their mourning. Sometimes fond memories of the lost beloved one help remind the mourner of the lives he or she touched. Yet, sometimes words, even well-intended, cannot do a thing to make someone feel better. Sometimes all the mourner really needs is a hug, a shoulder to cry on, and an ear to listen.
Baruch dayan ha’emes; blessed is the True Judge, for we cannot understand His ways. May the mourners be comforted among all the Jews of Zion and Jerusalem.
Shabbat shalom!
