Recently I was excited to find out that a book I wrote three years ago is finally getting published. My inspiration to write “Freiing Out” came three and a half years ago when I was on a visit to Sydney, Australia. At a Friday night Shabbat dinner I was discussing the issue of why so many children were going off the derech and dropping their Judaism. A woman at the table remarked, “Binyamin, it sounds like you’ve got some good ideas on how to prevent children from going off the derech. You should write a book.”
And so I did. I wrote most of the book in two weeks, spending around twelve hours a day of solid writing. It then took a couple of months to finish it and then a while to get it published.
But thank G-d it looks like it should be available in the next few weeks, and I pray that some of the ideas I share in “Freiing Out” helps Jewish people stay strong in their Judaism.
6 Responses to ““Freiing Out” – A New Book by Binyamin Tanny: Why People Go Off the Derech and What We Can do About it.”
At last, I’ve received a few dozen books in print. The book should be available very soon online and from a number of Jewish book shops.
I received the following from someone who has read the book and wanted to share a few thoughts.
The person writes:
I picked up your book Freinig Out at the OU centre in Jerusalem and read it quickly.
I wish to make 2 comments:
1) The chances of freing out would be much less if there is a wholesome synergy between the home, the community and the school in terms of hashkafa and religious level. Most of ones confusions eminate from the inconsistencies between the above 3 central elements in a young persons life.
2) The freing out you addressed seems to apply mostly from within the chabad/chassidic community because it is the the small nuanaces and higher intolerance to not complying that automatically defines one as freing out.
As a contrast there is lesser freing out in the modern orthodox/Bnei Akiva community as the issues of hat brim up/down; shaving yes/no; boy/girl socialising; and other externatlities do not exist in the first place. The emphasis is on Family life revolving around Shabbat, Kashrut, Tefilla, and solid education in religious and secular so that one can get established in a career and at the same time lead a fruitful relationship with Hashem on a daily basis.
i would be interested in your comments
My Response:
1) What you say is absolutely correct and I address this issue in the book. There needs to be consistency between the home, community and school. Unfortunately it can be hard to achieve this at times. Some people living in large ultra Chassidic communities achieve this with no problems, however, many people in smaller communities will not find the perfect school that matches their hashkafa or the perfect shull.
2) True there is less freiing out in the modern orthodox communities, this is because there is a broader definition of freiing out. A child of a Belzer, Satmer, or Vishnitz family, who chops off his peyos, starts warring jeans, goes to the movies and eats non Cholov Yisroel ice cream, would be seen to be moving off the derech. In some modern orthodox communities, no one would batter an eyelid. So yes in this spectrum there is not much freiing out in the modern orthodox communities. I would say though there is still a bit of ‘double dancing’ where someone could adhere to their modern orthodox community standards while being active within it, yet outside of it they may go beyond certain standards of keeping kashrut and Shabbat. One thing I point out in the book is that we need to be clear about; ‘what is the derech.’ This will very from one family to the next. Thus someone going off the derech within a chassidic family will differ from a Modern orthodox family.
Recently I’ve come across a few reviews on the book I’ve written, with a full range of comments relating to the reviews. I’d like to point out; the book in no way has all the answers and solutions. One of my main reasons behind writing it is to get people talking about the issue. When I began to write the book there was only one book I knew of “Off The Derech,” which addressed the issues of frum people leaving their Yiddiskeit. I hope that through my book more people will become aware off the issues we face in the frum community and solutions will be explored.
I try to keep an element of Hebrew heritage in our family, the war years and Russian Socialism , tried hard to negate and nullify the prescence of Ha Shem. It almost succeeded, but with persistence and the help of others like yourself in the community, I have tended to employ the drip system of irrigation in a spiritual wilderness, and so drip by drop, I have seen a spiritual awakening built up and a tiny return to the derech, although sometimes hesitantly and critically,so thank you for your input and dedication to this labour of love. It is sometimes fruitful, when we least expect it.