Parshas Vayishlach: Learning From Everyone Around You

I have been in some really strange situations in my life. I have met the strangest people.  It seems that crazy people like me or are attracted to me or something. I have never been able to figure out why.  Perhaps I should have become a psychologist like my mother…

Just this week, I was sitting in the Brisbane City Botanical Gardens with Akiva.  I was doing some work on my laptop and he was playing in his pram.  All of a sudden, I noticed a man walking toward me. He seemed to be talking to himself, although with the advent of Bluetooth, you never really know these days! But when he asked if he could borrow my sunglasses and was upset when I said no, I knew something was really wrong with him.  For safety’s sake, I got up and moved to another bench.

This isn’t an isolated incident – it happens everywhere in the world, from Miami to Buenos Aires, London to Oporto.  And every time I have such an encounter, I have to wonder what it means.

You see, the Ba’al Shem Tov teaches that we can learn something from every person and every situation.  Each little thing we encounter was put there by G-d because He has decided that we need to see it.

In this week’s parsha, Yaakov (Jacob) tells Esav, “Im Laban garti” – “I lived with Laban,” which the sages explain means that he lived there, but he did not immerse himself in Laban’s evil ways. (Click here to learn more about this explanation.) It sounds like Yaakov is criticizing Esav, but according to the Chofetz Chaim he was not.  (You can count on the Chofetz Chaim to find the good in others!) The Chofetz Chaim says that Yaakov was lamenting one of his own failings – that he did not learn from Laban.

Of course the Chofetz Chaim is not coming to say that Yaakov should have learned to be evil, Heaven forbid!  But instead, Yaakov should have learned to be more zealous in the mitzvot he does, just as Laban was so incredibly zealous in his evil ways.

This is really interesting because it shows us how it truly is possible to learn something from everyone and everything.  Although the message may not be clear, we still have to try our best to look for and find it.  G-d is sending us messages constantly and the sooner we get the message, the easier it is for Him to send it! If we only check our email, G-d won’t have to send letters to our mailboxes or bondsmen to thump on our doors.  It’s much easier if we just humble ourselves enough to see the message He’s sending us nicely.

A homeless man asleep in the Brisbane City Botanical Gardens

As for me, I’m still pondering what the reason for my crazy encounter of this week might be (or indeed the reason I keep encountering crazy people… what is Hashem trying to tell me? Maybe I’m a little bit crazy!).  But I did learn something a few days later.  You see, some homeless people live in the Botanical Gardens and the council won’t do anything to move them because they feel that it is hard enough for people to be homeless, that they should not be shunted out of what shelter they are able to find.  It’s a compassionate view that resonates with me – as it should with all of us.  The homeless people may not be the prettiest feature in the park, but the kindness of the people who allow them to remain really is beautiful.  And when you take into account that the majority of homeless people also suffer from some sort of mental disorder, which Hashem gave to them and is not within their control (and which they certainly would not choose if they could help it), we can see that we have an obligation to show them compassion and to see the good in them.

As we enter the coming week, let us all try to learn something from every person and every situation we see – and let us all try our best to judge favorably.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Vayishlach, Yud Tes Kislev, & Chanukah: Where We Live & Why We Travel

Parshas Vayetzei: Praying for and in Yerushalayim (Jerusalem)

Terrorist Rocket Range in Israel now includes Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. (Taken from http://www.idfblog.com/ via http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Terrorism/rocketrange.html)

It’s not often you hear people getting excited about taking a trip to a war zone.  Usually if there’s a war on in a particular part of the world, people steer clear.  They’re trying to leave the area if they can, not get in.  And you can’t find airlines willing to take tourists to danger zones.  Yet, this week, I have seen several of my friends get very excited to be going to Israel.

Sadly, there is a war on in Israel.  Terrorists are flinging rockets and missiles at innocent civilians and they are now able to fire these rockets from Gaza as far as Jerusalem and Tel Aviv.  It is a dangerous time to be in Israel.  Yet, so many people (ourselves included) actually want to go there – war or no war.  Israel is a special, unique place.

Prayers said in Jerusalem are always heard by G-d.

In fact, Jerusalem features in this week’s parsha as a holy, special place.  Yaakov (Jacob) goes to sleep and dreams of a ladder with angels ascending and descending.  When he wakes up, he calls it a special, holy place.  It is described as the “Gate of Heaven.” Rabbi Weinreb of the OU points out that it is our obligation to pray for Jerusalem.  The Ramban on this week’s parsha notes that prayers uttered in Jerusalem are always heard.

In this time of war and tribulations it is especially important for us to pray for Jerusalem and all that it stands for, especially those of us who are in Jerusalem!  As our soldiers enter Gaza to protect our family (for we Jews are all family!) from terror, we must pray for them.  Rabbanim are asking Jews everywhere to recite tehillim (Psalms) 130, 121, 83, 20, 91, 143.

Please G-d let this coming week bring us all peace, safety, security, and MOSHIACH!

Shabbat Shalom.

Read more about Parshas Vayetzei: Jacob’s Ladder Teaches Us to Strive for Perfection

Akiva’s First Time in the Ocean!

I was 24 years old the first time I saw the Pacific Ocean (interestingly enough, I was with Rabbi Ben when I saw it, from Chile). Akiva saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time when he was only a few days old.  In fact, as of right now it is the only ocean he has ever seen.  Because he was born at the end of fall/beginning of winter, he was not able to go into the ocean previously – it was too cold.  So last week I took him on his first trip into the ocean!

I only took him in where it was a few inches deep and I held him tightly. Still, a small wave came along and splashed him.  It frightened Akiva and that was the end of his adventuring in his ocean for that day! We will have to try again another time.  Still, it was a momentous occasion for him!

A Solar Eclipse in Australia - What is the blessing (bracha) on a solar eclipse and is there a blessing on a solar eclipse?

Solar eclipse over Australia (Surfer's Paradise), as seen through a frosted glass screen

Last week there was a total solar eclipse in Australia.  It was best seen from the north, in Cairns.  While we didn’t make it all the way up there, we did make it halfway there.  Akiva and I joined our friend Mia at her apartment in Surfer’s Paradise and watched the solar eclipse from her balcony.  I remember learning about eclipses in school and I think I remember one happening when I was in elementary school, but I don’t remember if I was actually able to watch it or not.  This is the first solar eclipse I was able to actually see.

It began at 5:57 AM, peaked at 6:57 AM, and finished by 7:57 AM.  The sun was mostly covered by the moon.  Unlike in Cairns, however, the view of the eclipse was only partial and so the sunlight was not entirely blocked.  I was a bit disappointed that during the solar eclipse we were not plunged into darkness, although the light was less bright during the height of the eclipse.

At first, I could not even see a difference.  This is especially because you must never view a solar eclipse with the naked eye.  It can actually cause real and severe damage to your vision or even blind you, and very quickly, too!  So always make sure you are using proper eyewear when viewing a solar eclipse.  I watched the eclipse through a frosted glass screen that blocked out the sun’s harmful rays, as you can see in the photograph.

I did not make a blessing on the solar eclipse.  Although we Jews do make blessings on most of the wondrous phenomena we see G-d create in nature, the eclipse is not one of these – neither solar nor lunar.  In fact, an eclipse is seen as a bad omen! A solar eclipse is considered a bad omen for the world (which follows a solar calendar), while a lunar eclipse is considered a bad omen for the Jewish people (who are likened to the moon and who follow a lunar calendar).  Generally, when there is an eclipse it is a sign that we Jews should increase in good deeds and should say more prayers and tehillim (psalms). Of course, there is enough suffering in galus (exile) and enough reasons that we should be doing more good deeds and saying more prayers and tehillim all the time anyway!

Red. The color of love. The color of lust. The color of rage.

The color of red lentil soup? Not really…

This week for Shabbos dinner for Akiva I made red lentil soup.  It’s his 6-month birthday tomorrow and he deserves a special treat.  I figure lentil stew is a good one.

But here’s the funny thing about red lentils: when you buy them, they’re orange, not true red. And when you cook them, they turn yellow.

Yet, in this week’s parsha, Esau comes home from hunting to see his brother Yaakov (Jacob) cooking some lentil soup (Avraham had died that day and lentils are a traditional food of mourners).  ”Pour that very red stuff down my throat!” he cries.  ”Very red stuff”?  The sages teach us that on that day, Esau had committed his first murder and murderers see red drops, like blood, everywhere they look. Esau looked at the soup and saw red, like the blood he had that day spilled.  Instead of turning away from it, he turned toward it, he insisted it be poured into him.

This is the origin of the term “seeing red.”  When someone gets very angry, it is called “seeing red,” and it happens to all of us at some point.  I guess that’s because anger blinds us. It makes us irrational. It causes us to lose control. In some cases, it can even lead to murder or war.

The Torah teaches of four different types of people:

1. He who is quick to anger but slow to cool down.
2. He who is quick to anger but quick to cool down.
3. He who is slow to anger but slow to cool down.
4. He who is slow to anger but quick to cool down.

There is no 5th category for “He who does not get angry” because Hashem, G-d, knows it simply does not exist.  Even Moshe Rabbeinu got angry eventually.  We all do.  And no matter what name we call it – “angry,” “upset,” “annoyed,” “frustrated…” it is all part and parcel of the same emotion.  The question is what do we do with it.

The first category, “He who is quick to anger but slow to cool down” is considered in Torah to be a rasha, an evildoer.   This is the person who becomes angry easily and also holds a grudge.

The last category, “He who is slow to anger but quick to cool down” is the kind of person who takes a very long time and a lot of prodding to make angry – and once angry, gets over it very fast.  This person the Torah calls a tzaddik, a righteous person.

The other two are for mere mortals like you and I, and we appear on every point along the spectrum.  We all have our triggers. Some of us flare up easily and instantly, but have soon forgotten all about it.  Others of us hold grudges.  But no matter where we are on the spectrum, we should constantly be working on ourselves to move further and further from the first category, and closer and closer to the last one.

As for me? Well, I’m category number 2.  I know myself and I’ll admit my faults – I can have a temper!  But while I’ll flare up easily, I’ll soon forget an argument ever occurred, and you’ll rarely find me bringing up old scores.  In fact, I’ve often forgotten within moments that I was upset at all… and an apology is always a way to make me instantly drop all disputes and hurts.  For me, I have to work on controlling my temper and not getting angry as quickly.  And, B”H, as my friends who have known me for many years will tell you, I am succeeding in so many ways in this mission, although I still have far to go.

But what to do when we do become angry? What to do when we lose control?  The trick is that even if we become angry, we can still choose what to do about it.  I find it helpful to phone a friend.  Generally, once I’ve complained about something to someone else, I can let it go entirely and I truly do even forget about it.  Or I write about it.  In fact, I was angry about something when I sat down to write this post – but now I feel so much better, having tackled the anger inside of me head-on with Torah.  There are many ways to handle our anger that do not involve shouting, fighting, or curse words.   We don’t have to become like Esau.

In the coming week, let us all strive to find inner peace, to become angry slowly (or not at all!), and if we do become angry to recover from it quickly.  And that while we are angry, we find some positive and constructive way to channel our negative energy.  We do not need to let the yetzer hara or our inner Esau win.  We have the power to be and become better.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Toldos: Esau Teaches us Why it is Important to Exercise Self-Control… and to Show Gratitude Instead