Parshas Vayechi: Playing to your Strengths

There is no place in the world to expose your strengths and weaknesses like India.  Almost everyone I talk to about it describes it as a “love-hate relationship” for exactly this reason.  Whatever your strengths are, travel in India will bring them out. Whatever your weaknesses, India will bring them out, too.

That’s because it’s such a confronting place, with constant throngs of people, noise, and smells.  There is no part of you left untouched.  It’s a good way to test your mettle.

And no two people react quite in the same way.  Rabbi Ben, for instance, goes mad from the constant loud noise, while I just tune it out.  But I couldn’t stand how I never managed to feel clean (and the creepy men touching me and taking my photo constantly also really got to me).  We all have different strengths and weaknesses, you see.

There’s a precedent for this in Judaism, too. It’s part of how we are made.  When Yaakov (Jacob) was on his deathbed, he gave blessings to each of his children.  Each of the 12 tribes received a different blessing, for each was different.  Each had different roles to fulfill within the Jewish nation, just as each of us has a different role to fulfill in our world.

Once he was done, Yaakov called them all back in and blessed them again. Blessed them with what? Rashi says he blessed each that he should also receive the blessings of the others.  But then what was the point in blessing them separately?  The Maharal explains that they were not equal in everything, but rather, that they each had some traits stronger and some less strong.  For example, Yehuda (Judah) received a blessing for strength – all of the other brothers had some strength, but Yehuda’s main talent was in his strength.

In our daily lives, we have a tendency to fall into some sort of complacency and acceptance of who we are and of our situation.  We face similar challenges all the time, with not much change.  Travel has the power to really shake that up.  Now we are suddenly dealing with problems like sewage in our hotel bathroom, how to navigate a crowded bus with a fully-loaded pram, or what to do when we get sick in a place where we don’t speak the local language.  Challenges that take us out of our element have the power to showcase incredible strengths we did not even realize we had.

And the beautiful thing is that we all have strengths.  Not only that, but we all have different strengths.  So the more we work together, the more our strengths together can make us exponentially stronger.

Shabbat shalom!

Being Secure in Your Faith

Rebbetzin Rachel at Vimanmek Mansion in Bangkok, Thailand

Yesterday I went to Vimanmek Mansion in Bangkok, one of the Thai king’s royal palaces. I had a free ticket, so I figured I might as well go.  As it turned out, my ticket also included admission to the dozen other buildings on the premises, which housed a multitude of museums.  Had I realized how much there was to see, I would have gone earlier and spent the whole day there instead of just the afternoon!

While I was in one of the museums, I overheard another visitor lamenting to her guide, “She’s got her hair covered; why can’t I wear my hat?”  ”You need to wear a hair covering like that and tell them that you’re Muslim,” replied the guide.  I couldn’t stop myself – wanting to be helpful, I offered that sometimes Jewish women do cover their hair with hats, rather than scarves.  ”Well, my parents are Jewish!” exclaimed the woman. “Then you’re Jewish, too!” I replied.  ”No, I’m not! I’m an atheist!” came the insistent reply.  Sweetly I told her, “Well, whether or not you believe in it or follow it, you’re Jewish under Jewish law.” “No I’m not!” she exclaimed, really irritated. “I’ve had this argument a dozen times with my cousins. I’m not Jewish!”

I wasn’t interested in having an argument with a stranger, but what did strike me was just how defensive she was.  I hadn’t told her anything other than basic facts – Jewish women cover their hair with hats and under Jewish law, she’s also Jewish.  Both things are facts outside of her (or my) control, and both were communicated sweetly and with love and a smile.  Yet, she was quick to bristle and get defensive, repeatedly insisting to me that she’s an atheist.  Why?

We tend to go on the defensive most when we are afraid of being wrong.  When we have some insecurity that is bothering us from within, we jump to defend ourselves.  We only get defensive when we have a real weakness.

Imagine this, you are a small, thin woman, and a big, strong man approaches you threateningly on a dark, deserted street.  There’s nowhere to run, so you take on your best karate stance and prepare to defend yourself.  You jump to your own defense because you sense your own vulnerability.  Imagine, however, that instead of a big, strong man coming to attack you, it is a little toddler having a tantrum coming to attack you.  You wouldn’t put on your karate stance.  You might even laugh because no matter how slight you are or how strong the toddler, he can’t actually do you any real harm.  You feel secure. You don’t have to go on the defensive.  You know you’re safe.

I was thinking of this yesterday when I encountered this woman.  I was calm and serene, peaceful.  I did not need to argue with her, I did not feel threatened when her guide referred to me as a Muslim or when she insisted on being an atheist.  Neither of those things threatens me or my beliefs.  Yet, me mentioning her being Jewish under halacha threw her onto the defensive right away.  Obviously, she does not find the same calm serenity in her atheism that I do in my Judaism.

And you can’t say “Oh, it’s because her cousins are always arguing with her.” – It doesn’t matter how much other people argue with you.  If you’re at peace with your faith, it won’t be shaken by others arguing with you.

It is obvious to me that this woman has a Jewish neshama (soul) crying out to return and it began agitating within her when it heard someone mention the laws it is crying out to follow.  That is the reason why so many secular Jews have so much respect for people of other faiths, but not for the strict adherents to their own faith.  Only their own faith is a threat, because only their own faith calls the neshama home to Hashem.