Parshas Ki Seitzei: How to Beat the Yetzer Hara (AKA How to Overcome Our Desires)
If there is one thing we have learned in our travels, it is that all people are fundamentally the same. Of course, each of us is unique in our own special way, but at the core, we have more in common than we often realize. We feel the same emotions, have the same range of character traits, and have the same strengths and weaknesses, to varying degrees.
As Jews, we are not immune to the same faults we see in others who are not Jewish. Even Rabbis and Rebbetzins make some mistakes! (Except for us, of course! Just kidding!) Sadly, we often see a Jew in a position of power or leadership make a mistake and, whether he is a wealthy businessman, a politician, or a rabbi, we are tempted to say, “But he is religious, he is Jewish – he should know and act better!”
Yet, how many of us are perfect? Certainly not I! And while we may each make different mistakes, we do all make mistakes. Some people do not follow the commandments to keep kosher; others do not pay employees on time. Some engage in forbidden sexual activities; others steal things. Some speak badly of other people; others violate the Sabbath. We really do not have room to judge because we are none of us perfect. And yet, we can try to be.
This week’s parsha offers a compelling tip on how to overcome your forbidden desires. A soldier who goes to war and sees a woman he wants to take for himself is told that he can take her home and… shave her head, let her nails grow jagged, and then wait 30 days. It is funny how if the woman is forbidden, the Torah does not come out and right away tell the soldier he cannot have her. Instead, he is told he can have her… later.
We can apply this principle to every temptation in life. If we want to eat something not kosher, we can tell ourselves, “Yes, I will have it… later.” If we get angry and want to yell, we can tell ourselves, “Yes, I will scream and shout… later.” If we want to watch the footy instead of spending time with our kids, we can tell ourselves, “I’ll watch the second half of the game… later.” Usually by the time later comes around you’ll find you don’t want it anymore… or you will have forgotten it completely.
You see, our evil inclination and our desire to do the wrong thing is challenged when we tell ourselves we can’t have something. It’s why we crave chocolates on a diet and cheeseburgers when we try to keep kosher. If we tell ourselves “NO!” we want it even more. But if we tell ourselves yes, then that voice becomes quiet. The trick is to tell ourselves yes… but later.
Hopefully this trick will help us all in our quest to become better people!
Shabbat shalom!
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