Parshas Devarim & Tisha B’Av: We Have to Look for the Good

Every place we visit has its own character.  Places are like people in that respect: They each have their own character traits.  They’re all unique and different – and it takes some time to really get to know them.

Like people, each place has its good and its bad characteristics.  The question is, what do you choose to focus on?  Think of a person you know whom you like and describe them. Invariably you will list plenty of wonderful things about them.  Now think of a person you know whom you dislike and describe them. I bet you’re listing bad things about them.  Now try it for a place you like and a place you dislike – I bet it’s the same situation!

If I meet a person and I really want to like them – say they’re my new neighbor and I know I’ll be living next to them for the next few years – I will try my hardest to see the good things about them.  It’s the same for the place I just moved into.  If I just bought a house, I am really hoping to like the new neighborhood, city, and country I’m in.  I’ll look as hard as I can for the good things about that place – otherwise, I’ll be stuck in a place that makes me unhappy!

But the story is different when we have an option, when we have an “out.”  When we are just meeting someone briefly and we know we have no obligation to ever see them again, we are free to find their flaws.  It doesn’t matter as much if we don’t like them.  If we are visiting a place, we know we don’t ever have to go back if we don’t want to, so we can pick out what is wrong with it.

This is exactly the problem that was caused by the spies Moshe (Moses) sent out.  He sent them to spy out the land of Israel confident that they would pick out all the wonderful and good things about the land.  In Moshe’s eyes, it was already the Jews’ new home and he had that perspective that led him to look for the good in the new place.  The spies, however, had a different perspective.  They knew they still had an alternative: to stay in the desert.  They weren’t living in Israel yet, they weren’t stuck.  So they felt free to pick out all the bad things about the land – and they did.

This week’s parsha mentions so many different things that it is easy to overlook this oft-repeated story, but it is crucial to notice, especially this Shabbos.  This Shabbos is an interesting situation: it is Tisha B’Av.  Our observance of Tisha B’Av is delayed until Sunday this year, but its meaning for this Shabbos and this parsha cannot be pushed off.  On Tisha B’Av we are reminded that our holy Temple has not been restored to us and we are told that if this is so, it is as if it was destroyed in our generation.

And why was it destroyed? The sin of sinas chinam – baseless hatred of one Jew for another.  Just as the spies looked for the bad things in the land of Israel (thus prompting Hashem to respond with, “I’ll give you something really worth crying about!” and leading to the creation of Tisha B’Av), the Jews looked for bad things in their fellows.

Just as speaking badly about another Jew is the sin of lashon hara, speaking badly about the land of Israel is also lashon hara.  Amazing how important and linked we two are – we Jews and the land of Israel.

This year, we must concentrate on eradicating these sins from our lives.  Both the sin of the spies – speaking badly about the land of Israel – which caused the creation of Tisha B’Av… and the sin of the Jews – speaking badly about one another – which causes Tisha B’Av to continue – are equal and must be stopped.

The way to stop them both is one and the same: ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE GOOD.  One friend of mine, who isn’t even Jewish, inspired me by suggesting to look for even the tiniest good thing in another person.  No matter how small it is, you can focus on it.  Even if it’s simply noticing that your “enemy” has nice eyebrows or that Tel Aviv has a beautiful sunset.  Even if it seems petty or unimportant, focus on it.  From even one seed of good a tree of good can grow in your mind’s eye.

Wishing you all an easy fast and strength from Hashem to find the good in every person and every place!

Shabbat Shalom!

Read more about Parshas Devarim: To Sum it all up, Just Have Faith

Read more about Tisha B’Av: Hashem is Homeless and So Are We