Parshas Vayigash: The Benefit of Being “Different”

A variety of bugs for sale (for dinner!) on the streets of Thailand

We’re back in the second/third world, and boy, am I glad to be back.  It’s rough going – even last night I was sweating and complaining about the heat – and if I’m hot, then it must be really hot!  It’s even harder with a baby, since he has to adjust to new time zones, lots of stimulation, and unfamiliar surroundings.

One thing that strikes me immediately in such a place is just how different we are as Jews.  Last night I watched a man eating bugs – there were cockroaches, maggots, grasshoppers, and even scorpions, all fried and for sale.  Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t partake of such “delicacies.”  I saw a sign in one shop advertising live bullfrog for dinner.  I’m sure a lot of tourists would go try it (I’m reminded of a trip to Scotland with a friend who insisted on trying the haggis) because it’s a novelty and hey, why not!  But as Jews, we can’t do that. It’s not kosher.

In this week’s parsha we see Yaakov (Jacob) traveling down to Egypt.  Along the way, he has a dream in which Hashem (G-d) comes to him and tells him not to be afraid, that he should resettle in Egypt.  Was Yaakov afraid? And why did he have to stay in Egypt? It makes sense why Yosef (Joseph) would need to stay in Egypt, but why Yaakov? What was so important that G-d Himself had to command him to go live there?

Egypt was fundamentally different from Canaan (the land of Israel at that time).  Yaakov’s father and grandfather lived there and were well known and respected.  For the most part, the family was accepted.  Perhaps they were viewed as a bit eccentric, or even heretical, but nobody in those days cared all that much.  In fact, as Rabbi Bernie Fox of the OU points out, the Canaanites’ acceptance of Yaakov’s family was so total and complete that Shechem, a prince, fell in love with and asked to marry Yaakov’s daughter Dina.  Even when told that he and his entire city would have to be circumcised (as adults, with no anesthetic!), he did it, and commanded his city to do so as well.  The Jews were accepted fully.

Egypt, however, was not like that.  There, Yaakov’s family would really be viewed as heretics, and in the wildly religious Egypt, that was not something to be overlooked.  The Jews were not even permitted to eat at the same table as the Egyptians!  This applied even to Yosef, who was second to no one but Pharaoh himself.  In Egypt, the Jews would remain separate.

You see, Yosef was afraid to leave the land his family had settled, which had been promised to him and his ancestors, which his father (Yitzchak, Isaac) had been forbidden to leave.  But he had to go and live in Egypt because if he and his entire family did not, the assimilation would be so total that the Jewish people would have been wiped out before it even began.

Live bullfrog for dinner in Singapore? Not kosher!

Unfortunately, we face this very problem today, quite strongly.  In many Western cultures, the assimilation is very strong.  Marry someone who’s not Jewish and he won’t mind if you want to celebrate Chanukah instead of X-mas.  He’ll be happy to come with you to your Pesach seder, he just might invite you to his family’s Easter dinner.  And what’s the harm in that? It’s only a dinner, right?  And the circle will spiral downwards – assimilation is a slippery slope that poses a bigger threat to Judaism and does more harm to the Jewish people than, G-d forbid, the Holocaust even did.

We have lost far more than 6 million Jews to assimilation throughout history, and the number is now increasing exponentially. That’s why sometimes it is good to head for the third world, where we are so different.  Our “otherness” is striking to both them and us.  It brings home to us just how different we are – and how different we must remain.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Vayigash: Maintaining Humility in Positions of Power

Parshas Mikeitz: Traveling out of Necessity

So we are hitting the road again, which is kind of a funny statement given that we’ve been traveling pretty steadily since Tishrei.  Of course, it really depends on what you  define as “traveling.”  I mean, is it travel if you move every day? Once a week? Once a month?  What qualifies?  Anyway, I would say we have been on the move since about 3 months ago.

We're on the move again!

Next week, we are planning to go on Adventuring Akiva’s first big international trip.  He’s already been on 6 flights in 6 months (he’s only 6 months old!) so he’s a pro.  He’s traveled more than Rabbi Ben traveled when he was an infant, so maybe one day he will surpass his father.

We are on the move because, for various reasons, we have to be.  We’re not necessarily traveling because we want to (although of course we do want to; you know us!).  Sometimes, circumstances require you to move whether you want to or not.  You’re forced from your place.

We see a lot of forced moves in the Torah. In fact, it seems that we Jews are constantly being forced to move from our homes, like it or not.  It’s partly why we have such a strong tradition of maintaining our own clothing, language, customs, and identity (and even living in our own neighborhoods, or “ghettos”) no matter where in the world we are living.  There’s no point in assimilating to the local culture if you’re just going to have to move on, like it or not!

Recently, I heard a shiur about Parshas Vayetzei that mentioned how Yaakov (Jacob) had to flee his home.  He goes to sleep in a certain place where he has the well-known dream of angels going up and down a ladder.  He had to be in that place at that time in order to have such a dream.  Even if he did not want to be fleeing his home or heading for the home of wicked Laban, he needed to be, for many reasons.  And it all worked out for the best – he got not one, but four, wives, 12 sons, and untold wealth.

So, too, with Yaakov’s grandfather Avraham (Abraham).  As I mentioned in my recent post on Parshas Vayera, Avraham had to leave the land of Israel and travel down to Egypt.  He didn’t exactly want to have to do this.  He was happy in the land Hashem (G-d) had promised him, but he was forced to leave and go down to Egypt.  There are many reasons he did this, but one was that it was necessary for him and Sarah to receive the blessing of having a child.  He had to go – and because he did, he was rewarded with a child.

And so it is fitting that Yaakov’s children should face the same kind of experience.  In last week’s parsha, Yosef found himself heading for Egypt in conditions that were less than ideal, but in this week’s parsha we see the resolution: Yosef finds himself viceroy of Egypt, second in command only to Pharaoh himself.  It all works out for the best.

And Yosef’s brothers find themselves forced to move, too, against their will.  They have to travel to Egypt because a famine forces them there, as it is the only place with grain stored up.  Even when they try to leave their brother Binyamin (Benjamin) behind, Yosef holds Shimon (Simon) hostage and sends them back to retrieve him.  And when Yaakov tries to hold out and not let Binyamin go down to Egypt, he eventually relents because the famine forces him to.  And it’s a good thing, too – as a result, the brothers are all reunited.  Eventually even Yaakov travels down to Egypt and is reunited with his beloved son Yosef.

I guess that if Hashem wants you to change your place, there’s no fighting it.  If He wants to force you to move, He will, whether he does it with a whisper of encouragement or by giving you a big metaphorical whack on the tuchus, so you might as well move while He’s still whispering.  And that’s why there’s really no reason to be upset about having to move, even if you don’t really want to go.  You need to go.  It will ultimately be for the best.  You just don’t know why yet – but Hashem does.

So as we head out on our international jaunt next week, we’ll be updating TravelingRabbi.com and sharing our adventures with you.  I’m sure they will all reveal that this move, too, is for the very best.

Chodesh tov and Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Mikeitz: How to Forgive… But Not Forget

Parshas Vayeshev: If You Can’t Go to Israel, Make Israel Come to You

Unfortunately, we don’t all live in Israel.  Even many people who live in Israel travel outside of Israel.  Yet, I find myself missing Israel all the time.  One day we will make it back there; I hope we will even be able to live there.

One interesting thing I learned week was in a letter in the Igros Chazan Ish.  A bachur asked if he should go to Israel and if the Chazon Ish thought going to Israel was the best thing to do.  The Chazon Ish replied that it was best NOT to go to Israel.  The best thing to do, he explained, was to remain in Rusia.

This is somewhat baffling.  After all, I learned in seminary that it is much better to be in Eterz Yisroel than to be in hutzla aretz. It is best of all to live in Israel, unless for compelling reasons, like parnossa (livelihood) or your children’s education you must be elsewhere.  So what on earth is the Chazon Ish saying here?

Rabbi Eisemann gave an explanation: The Chazon Ish was writing this letter over a hundred years ago.  Times were different then.  Israel was not the flourishing Jewish community it is now; it was a barren and hostile land, where Jews struggled just to survive and eke out a living.  In Russia, however, the intellectual leaders of Judaism lived.  There you could sit and learn not only under the likes of the Chazon Ish, but also under the Chofetz Chaim and other great rabbis.  Sure, times might have been tough, but spiritually, Russian Jewry was very much alive.

You see, Israel is not just a physical place, it is a spiritual place, too.  And although we cannot create it as a physical place in some other land, like Africa or Australia, we can create it as a spiritual place no matter where we are.  In Russia, the Jews were working very hard to create Israel as a spiritual place there.  And they were succeeding.  That’s why the Chazon Ish didn’t want his students to leave.  Leaving the spiritual land of Israel just to live in the physical land of Israel simply didn’t make sense.

And in this week’s parsha, we see that Yosef has done exactly the same thing.  Here is a boy, 17 years old, and away from his family for the first time.  How lonely he must have been! But not only hat, he really had no hope of ever returning to the land of Israel.  How easy it would have been just to assimilate!  He could have given up his Jewish ways and become fully Egyptian.  Yet, he did not do this.  Instead, he created his own spiritual land of Israel within himself.  He followed the Torah *(yes, even though it had not yet been given) and stuck to it, even when it was very hard.  Whether he was in slavery or in prison or in Pharoah’s court, he stuck with it.

We can also create our own land of Israel within ourselves.  We can have our spiritual land of Israel wherever we go.  As Rabbi Ben and I travel, I like to think this is what we do.

Shabbat Shalom!

Read more on Parshas Vayeishev: Joseph, Dreams, and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

Parshas Vayishlach: Learning From Everyone Around You

I have been in some really strange situations in my life. I have met the strangest people.  It seems that crazy people like me or are attracted to me or something. I have never been able to figure out why.  Perhaps I should have become a psychologist like my mother…

Just this week, I was sitting in the Brisbane City Botanical Gardens with Akiva.  I was doing some work on my laptop and he was playing in his pram.  All of a sudden, I noticed a man walking toward me. He seemed to be talking to himself, although with the advent of Bluetooth, you never really know these days! But when he asked if he could borrow my sunglasses and was upset when I said no, I knew something was really wrong with him.  For safety’s sake, I got up and moved to another bench.

This isn’t an isolated incident – it happens everywhere in the world, from Miami to Buenos Aires, London to Oporto.  And every time I have such an encounter, I have to wonder what it means.

You see, the Ba’al Shem Tov teaches that we can learn something from every person and every situation.  Each little thing we encounter was put there by G-d because He has decided that we need to see it.

In this week’s parsha, Yaakov (Jacob) tells Esav, “Im Laban garti” – “I lived with Laban,” which the sages explain means that he lived there, but he did not immerse himself in Laban’s evil ways. (Click here to learn more about this explanation.) It sounds like Yaakov is criticizing Esav, but according to the Chofetz Chaim he was not.  (You can count on the Chofetz Chaim to find the good in others!) The Chofetz Chaim says that Yaakov was lamenting one of his own failings – that he did not learn from Laban.

Of course the Chofetz Chaim is not coming to say that Yaakov should have learned to be evil, Heaven forbid!  But instead, Yaakov should have learned to be more zealous in the mitzvot he does, just as Laban was so incredibly zealous in his evil ways.

This is really interesting because it shows us how it truly is possible to learn something from everyone and everything.  Although the message may not be clear, we still have to try our best to look for and find it.  G-d is sending us messages constantly and the sooner we get the message, the easier it is for Him to send it! If we only check our email, G-d won’t have to send letters to our mailboxes or bondsmen to thump on our doors.  It’s much easier if we just humble ourselves enough to see the message He’s sending us nicely.

A homeless man asleep in the Brisbane City Botanical Gardens

As for me, I’m still pondering what the reason for my crazy encounter of this week might be (or indeed the reason I keep encountering crazy people… what is Hashem trying to tell me? Maybe I’m a little bit crazy!).  But I did learn something a few days later.  You see, some homeless people live in the Botanical Gardens and the council won’t do anything to move them because they feel that it is hard enough for people to be homeless, that they should not be shunted out of what shelter they are able to find.  It’s a compassionate view that resonates with me – as it should with all of us.  The homeless people may not be the prettiest feature in the park, but the kindness of the people who allow them to remain really is beautiful.  And when you take into account that the majority of homeless people also suffer from some sort of mental disorder, which Hashem gave to them and is not within their control (and which they certainly would not choose if they could help it), we can see that we have an obligation to show them compassion and to see the good in them.

As we enter the coming week, let us all try to learn something from every person and every situation we see – and let us all try our best to judge favorably.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Vayishlach, Yud Tes Kislev, & Chanukah: Where We Live & Why We Travel

Parshas Vayetzei: Praying for and in Yerushalayim (Jerusalem)

Terrorist Rocket Range in Israel now includes Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. (Taken from http://www.idfblog.com/ via http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Terrorism/rocketrange.html)

It’s not often you hear people getting excited about taking a trip to a war zone.  Usually if there’s a war on in a particular part of the world, people steer clear.  They’re trying to leave the area if they can, not get in.  And you can’t find airlines willing to take tourists to danger zones.  Yet, this week, I have seen several of my friends get very excited to be going to Israel.

Sadly, there is a war on in Israel.  Terrorists are flinging rockets and missiles at innocent civilians and they are now able to fire these rockets from Gaza as far as Jerusalem and Tel Aviv.  It is a dangerous time to be in Israel.  Yet, so many people (ourselves included) actually want to go there – war or no war.  Israel is a special, unique place.

Prayers said in Jerusalem are always heard by G-d.

In fact, Jerusalem features in this week’s parsha as a holy, special place.  Yaakov (Jacob) goes to sleep and dreams of a ladder with angels ascending and descending.  When he wakes up, he calls it a special, holy place.  It is described as the “Gate of Heaven.” Rabbi Weinreb of the OU points out that it is our obligation to pray for Jerusalem.  The Ramban on this week’s parsha notes that prayers uttered in Jerusalem are always heard.

In this time of war and tribulations it is especially important for us to pray for Jerusalem and all that it stands for, especially those of us who are in Jerusalem!  As our soldiers enter Gaza to protect our family (for we Jews are all family!) from terror, we must pray for them.  Rabbanim are asking Jews everywhere to recite tehillim (Psalms) 130, 121, 83, 20, 91, 143.

Please G-d let this coming week bring us all peace, safety, security, and MOSHIACH!

Shabbat Shalom.

Read more about Parshas Vayetzei: Jacob’s Ladder Teaches Us to Strive for Perfection

Red. The color of love. The color of lust. The color of rage.

The color of red lentil soup? Not really…

This week for Shabbos dinner for Akiva I made red lentil soup.  It’s his 6-month birthday tomorrow and he deserves a special treat.  I figure lentil stew is a good one.

But here’s the funny thing about red lentils: when you buy them, they’re orange, not true red. And when you cook them, they turn yellow.

Yet, in this week’s parsha, Esau comes home from hunting to see his brother Yaakov (Jacob) cooking some lentil soup (Avraham had died that day and lentils are a traditional food of mourners).  ”Pour that very red stuff down my throat!” he cries.  ”Very red stuff”?  The sages teach us that on that day, Esau had committed his first murder and murderers see red drops, like blood, everywhere they look. Esau looked at the soup and saw red, like the blood he had that day spilled.  Instead of turning away from it, he turned toward it, he insisted it be poured into him.

This is the origin of the term “seeing red.”  When someone gets very angry, it is called “seeing red,” and it happens to all of us at some point.  I guess that’s because anger blinds us. It makes us irrational. It causes us to lose control. In some cases, it can even lead to murder or war.

The Torah teaches of four different types of people:

1. He who is quick to anger but slow to cool down.
2. He who is quick to anger but quick to cool down.
3. He who is slow to anger but slow to cool down.
4. He who is slow to anger but quick to cool down.

There is no 5th category for “He who does not get angry” because Hashem, G-d, knows it simply does not exist.  Even Moshe Rabbeinu got angry eventually.  We all do.  And no matter what name we call it – “angry,” “upset,” “annoyed,” “frustrated…” it is all part and parcel of the same emotion.  The question is what do we do with it.

The first category, “He who is quick to anger but slow to cool down” is considered in Torah to be a rasha, an evildoer.   This is the person who becomes angry easily and also holds a grudge.

The last category, “He who is slow to anger but quick to cool down” is the kind of person who takes a very long time and a lot of prodding to make angry – and once angry, gets over it very fast.  This person the Torah calls a tzaddik, a righteous person.

The other two are for mere mortals like you and I, and we appear on every point along the spectrum.  We all have our triggers. Some of us flare up easily and instantly, but have soon forgotten all about it.  Others of us hold grudges.  But no matter where we are on the spectrum, we should constantly be working on ourselves to move further and further from the first category, and closer and closer to the last one.

As for me? Well, I’m category number 2.  I know myself and I’ll admit my faults – I can have a temper!  But while I’ll flare up easily, I’ll soon forget an argument ever occurred, and you’ll rarely find me bringing up old scores.  In fact, I’ve often forgotten within moments that I was upset at all… and an apology is always a way to make me instantly drop all disputes and hurts.  For me, I have to work on controlling my temper and not getting angry as quickly.  And, B”H, as my friends who have known me for many years will tell you, I am succeeding in so many ways in this mission, although I still have far to go.

But what to do when we do become angry? What to do when we lose control?  The trick is that even if we become angry, we can still choose what to do about it.  I find it helpful to phone a friend.  Generally, once I’ve complained about something to someone else, I can let it go entirely and I truly do even forget about it.  Or I write about it.  In fact, I was angry about something when I sat down to write this post – but now I feel so much better, having tackled the anger inside of me head-on with Torah.  There are many ways to handle our anger that do not involve shouting, fighting, or curse words.   We don’t have to become like Esau.

In the coming week, let us all strive to find inner peace, to become angry slowly (or not at all!), and if we do become angry to recover from it quickly.  And that while we are angry, we find some positive and constructive way to channel our negative energy.  We do not need to let the yetzer hara or our inner Esau win.  We have the power to be and become better.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Toldos: Esau Teaches us Why it is Important to Exercise Self-Control… and to Show Gratitude Instead