Are Religious People Better Mannered? Part 3/3

Another thing people often say to me is, “Well, I am a good person, so I don’t need to keep kosher/Shabbat/pray.”  Sometimes they follow this up by saying, “Look at those religious people you see on the news! This one committed fraud, that one was a pedophile! I don’t want to be/look like them!”

Both of these attitudes is wrong.  In Judaism, it is important to do both - to be a “good person” (although if you do not have Torah, how do you define a “good person” anyway?) and to do those things for G-d, like keeping Shabbat, kashrut, and modesty laws.

Here is my response:

Of the ten commandments, five are between man & G-d and five are between man & man. Why five and five? Because they are of equal importance.

Rabbi Albert of Miami once told me a story I will never forget: you meet a man in the store with his young son. Will you disrespect the son in front of the father? No, you will upset the father! But will you disrespect the father in front of the son? No, you will upset the son! Showing respect to both father and son is important.

This is how it is with us and Hashem. When we respect G-d we are respecting the father. When we respect man we are respecting the son. (In this parable.)

So we try our best as Jews to do everything we can to respect both because both are equally important. Yet, many people find it is easier for them to do one half than the other. This is our tikkun (spiritual rectification).

Religious people who you see dressing in an observant fashion but not acting in such a respectful way maybe were showing their respect for G-d by dressing modestly, following laws about shaving, covering their heads, keeping kosher, etc. Yet they have some trouble showing their respect for man. They have some work to do on themselves, as we all do.

On the other hand, someone might be nice to other people and show them respect, but not keep kosher, tzniut (modest), Shabbat, etc. That person is showing respect to man and not to G-d. Again, those people still have work to do to improve themselves.

One is not more important than the other. They are both of equal importance.

So none of us can judge another person; even if they are outwardly dressing religiously but not acting as respectful as they should, they are still humans and still have tikkun to do, just as we all do. We have a Torah obligation to assume they are doing the very best they can and that they will continue growing. This is why someone like me, who keeps kosher, Shabbat, etc., can still love and not judge a Jew who is not doing those things.

As it says in Pirkei Avos, we cannot judge another person until we have stood in their shoes.

Read Part 1 of Are Religious People Better Mannered?

Read Part 2 of Are Religious People Better Mannered?