Parshas Vayeishev: Everything is for the Best

Baby Levi

Baruch Hashem, last Friday we had a beautiful bris for our second son, whom we named Levi.  We were very touched by the calls, emails, gifts, and attendance of the community.  Our community in Adelaide may be small, but it is very much alive.  It is the kind of place where each and every Jew can truly feel how special and important (s)he is in his/her contributions.

You may have heard the saying that every cloud has its silver lining, meaning that even in a difficult situation there is something good, if only we look for it.  So too it is true in a place like Adelaide.  Being small, we notice when someone makes the effort to come to Shul to help make the minyan.  We notice when someone helps out in the Shul kitchen or calls to wish another Jew mazal tov.  In big communities, these contributions can often go unnoticed or be taken for granted, but not so here!  Here every person’s specialness shines forth in each and every little mitzvah we do.

In this week’s parsha, Joseph has quite a few difficult experiences.  Yet, he finds the silver lining to every cloud.  This is called emunah, faith, and Joseph’s emunah in G-d never wavers.  No matter what his situation, he finds something good in it.  For instance, when his brothers sell him as a slave, the merchants are carrying spices.  Normally Arab merchants on that route would have been carrying tar and naphtha, which smell terrible, but Joseph’s new masters were instead carrying delicious-smelling spices.  Joseph recognized this as a blessing and a sign that G-d was there with him in his time of need.

Ultimately, this is what each of us must do in our own times of need.  When we are up all night with a crying baby, we must remember to be grateful that we have a baby.  When we lose a job, we must have emunah that something better is coming to us and we must work to find it.  When our car breaks down and needs a repair, we must be grateful it is our car that has broken and not our body.  For everything in life, there is always something to be grateful for.  There is always a bonus, always a silver lining, if only we choose to seek it.

This week we wish you all that you should have such beautiful silver linings that you cannot fail to notice them!

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Vayishlach: Births and Blessings

Just before last Shabbos we had the blessing of welcoming our second son into the world.  It is with gratitude to G-d that we are now able to look forward to his bris and future Bar Mitzvah.

We are very grateful to live in a time and a place where childbirth has become relatively “safe.”  In Judaism, childbirth is recognized as a life-threatening condition, and the mother is considered to be in mortal danger even for three days after giving birth.  Thus if a woman is in labour, even if it is on Shabbat, we are permitted to do almost anything that would break the Shabbat.

Fortunately today, childbirth is not as dangerous as it once was.  Today modern medicine ensures that women in labour and her baby are both constantly monitored by professionals who can identify when one or the other has reached a critically life-threatening point.  At that stage, options like surgery are available to save both lives.  Because of modern sanitation, surgery is not as dangerous as it once was.  The Torah teaches us that we are given doctors and medicine in order to use them for the purpose of saving lives.  Both saving another person’s life and making the decision to choose life by seeking medical intervention when necessary are tremendous mitzvot.

Sadly, in this week’s parsha another Rachel gave birth but did not fare as well.  Rachel Imenu died giving birth to her son Binyamin and was buried on the road, as opposed to being buried with the other patriarchs and matriarchs in the Cave of Machpelah.

The death of Jacob’s favorite wife was no doubt a tragedy in their family.  And yet, it was ultimately part of G-d’s plan and an act of divine mercy.  By being buried on the road outside Jerusalem, Rachel’s tomb is in a place where Jewish exiles throughout the ages have had to pass.  When passing by, the Jews have traditionally stopped to pray and beg for Rachel’s intervention on their behalf.  Rachel Imenu cries out for her children and begs G-d for divine mercy in her merit on their behalf.

We cannot always understand G-d’s plans.  But we certainly should and must express our deepest gratitude whenever we can.  This week, we are extremely grateful to G-d for the safe delivery of our son.  We are also very grateful for all the help and kindness the community has shown us.

We are looking forward to celebrating our son’s bris this Friday morning and we hope you will all be able to join us.

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Vayetzei: The Importance of Judging Favorably

In the famous book ‘The Phantom Tollbooth’, the main character Milo and two of his friends jump to conclusions about how easy their journey is.  Unfortunately for them, Conclusions turns out to be a barren island crowded with people, to which they have literally jumped.  They discover that although it is very easy to jump to Conclusions, it is not so easy to get back again.

Unfortunately, most of us jump to conclusions quite regularly.  However, unlike in ‘The Phantom Tollbooth’, we don’t always notice the unpleasantness of the place where we’ve ended up, although it does take us a good long swim in the Sea of Knowledge to get back again.  In our ordinary lives, many conclusions we jump to are harmless, but when we jump to conclusions that concern our fellow man, it can be very dangerous indeed.

Judaism teaches that we must always judge others favorably.  Pirkei Avos (Ethics of Our Fathers) tells us that we cannot judge another man until we have stood in his shoes – which is, of course, impossible to do.  We can never fully understand another person or his/her reasons and motives for doing something.  It is up to us to construe the best possible motive we can.

Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev spotted a man greasing the wheels of his wagon while he was wearing his tallit and tefillin. Instead of being furious at this sacrilege, the rabbi turned his eyes toward heaven and proclaimed, “See, Master of the World, how holy Your children are! Even when he is engaged in greasing his wheels, he nevertheless remembers to pray to You.” 

We never know how powerful our words and our interpretations can be.  Perhaps our good interpretations are as angels to help defend that person in the Heavenly Court.  Perhaps the negative conclusions we jump to help the Yetzer Hara (evil inclination/Satan) to prosecute our fellow man in the Heavenly Court.  Surely when it comes to something so serious, we want to be as good to others as possible!  And of course, we definitely want others to judge well of us in turn.

The seriousness of this kind of judgment and jumping to conclusions comes to the forefront at the end of this week’s parsha.  Rachel steals one of her father’s idols and when he comes chasing after Jacob demanding the return of the stolen object, Jacob curses with death whomever would have stolen such a thing.  He simply cannot fathom that anyone in his family entourage would possibly want an idol.  Yet, Rachel only took the idol as an attempt to force her father away from idol worship.  She had the best of intentions.  And as we see in next week’s parsha, Jacob’s curse comes true and Rachel dies.

Of course most of us are not on such a high spiritual level that simply jumping to conclusions and making the wrong judgment of someone will cause their death.  But this does not mean we can underestimate the harm done when we judge another person poorly.  Whether the harm is spiritual, emotional, or physical matters not.  We have the power to choose instead to do the right thing and judge others well.  By doing so, we have untold powers to improve the lives of those around us.  This week, let us all focus on judging positively!

Shabbat shalom!

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Why Do We Expect Religious People to Be Better Mannered?

Last week’s series of posts prompted some interesting discussions.  One thing Rabbi Ben asked me was why my friend was so upset by her situation.  What had happened was that my friend and her daughter were waiting to board a bus but some obviously orthodox Jewish men did not move aside to allow them to board.  They felt this was disrespectful and she was really bothered by it.

But wait – why was she so upset?

I know this kind of thing happened to us pretty much every time we had to board a bus in India, but we never even thought about it, let alone being bothered by it!  In fact, in India it was much worse – we had to literally fight our way onto some buses!

So why on earth would someone be bothered by a group of men who don’t think to move out of the way?  And why would this upset her so much that she felt a need to share it, and publicly?

I guess there are two possible answers:

1) Religious people should act better.

2) Religious people are better (and therefore should act better).

If it’s the former, then we are placing an expectation on a group of people and judging them when they fail to meet that standard.  Why do we think religious people should act better, anyway?  Probably because they are committed to following a certain lifestyle that demands better behavior.

But the truth is, when we look into it, that in general religious Jews do act better.  Why is it so shocking when a religious Jew is caught committing fraud? Because it is so rare!  When a non-Jew or someone secular is caught committing fraud, it rarely shows up on the news.  Heck, even really serious crimes like murder and rape are usually not reported.  But if one religious Jew does it, it will be all over the media.

We take interest in that which is unusual.  Things that happen all the time fail to captivate our interest.  But if something out of the ordinary happens, suddenly it is the talk of the town.

If it is the second option that is the reason this situation bothers her, then she has a fundamental acknowledgment that religious people are better than non-religious people.  If this is the case, then she should become religious.  If we believe someone is better than us, we should try to be like them.

Of course people are not perfect, even religious people.  But if a religious person does something you find to be, well, not so kosher, then maybe you should ask yourself why it bothers you in the first place.  Maybe if you find the answer to that question you will find the solution lies within you, not within them.  We should always remember that we cannot change others, but we can change ourselves.  Asking ourselves introspective questions is one way to accomplish this.

And always remember, as the Ba’al Shem Tov said, that every single thing we see or encounter in our lives was sent to us by Hashem for our benefit!  Hashem loves us more deeply than we could ever imagine and He sends us these experiences to benefit us, not harm us. Baruch Hashem!!

Read Part 1 of Are Religious People Better Mannered?

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Parshas Toldos: The Value of Hard Work

Most of us would love a free handout.  Especially as Jews, we seem to be drawn to things that are “free,” be it a “buy one get one free” sale or simply something someone is willing to give us.   Many people play the lottery hoping to win millions of dollars for no effort at all.

Yet, the reality is that the things in life that value most to us are those for which we work the hardest.  Think about the accomplishments of which you are most proud.  You passed a difficult exam, came in first place in a marathon, or headed a project that changed the entire face of your company.  No matter what our age or life experience, we all have some things that make us feel really good about ourselves.

The one thing all of our diverse achievements have in common is that we worked hard to earn them.  It is why we will be telling everyone we meet about the book we published for the rest of our lives, while the large inheritance we got will pass quickly from our social conversation.  Things that we work hard to earn simply have more value to us.

Of course, all of our achievements are ultimately attributable to G-d. The credit we get for our mitzvot is on account of the effort we put in, not our actual accomplishments.  It is G-d who gives us the clarity of mind to pass that exam, the physical ability to run in the marathon, or the resources to pull off a big business project.  At any point in time, He can take these blessings from us.  This is why in Judaism, pride is not an admirable quality.  The line between pride and arrogance is a fine one.

There is one notable exception: When it comes to studying Torah.  When it comes to studying Torah it is acceptable to possess a small amount of pride.  A small amount of pride in Torah knowledge presents itself as confidence and can inspire others to learn Torah, too.

When Rivka was pregnant, she was in tremendous pain.  As she passed a house of idol worship, Esav would run to get out of her womb.  As she passed a house of Torah study, Yaakov would run to exit her womb.  It makes sense that Esav would want to escape to go serve idols, as was his nature, but it does not make sense that Yaakov would want to leave the womb.  After all, babies in the womb are taught the entire Torah.  Yet once they exit it, they forget all they have learned.  If Yaakov is so Torah-focused, why would he want to leave the womb where he knows all of Torah to enter the world knowing no Torah?

Yaakov wanted the opportunity to learn the Torah for himself.  It is our purpose in life to work hard to become closer to G-d, both through learning Torah and doing mitzvot.  When we work hard to do these things, we achieve our life’s purpose.  This is why it is necessary for a baby to forget all the Torah (s)he has learned: in order to re-learn it on his/her own.

We all have the opportunity to put effort into learning Torah and doing mitzvot and we should feel good about ourselves when we do so.  But why wait? Let’s start today!

Shabbat shalom!

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