Parshas Toldos: When You See Red (The Torah View on Anger)

Red. The color of love. The color of lust. The color of rage.

The color of red lentil soup? Not really…

This week for Shabbos dinner for Akiva I made red lentil soup.  It’s his 6-month birthday tomorrow and he deserves a special treat.  I figure lentil stew is a good one.

But here’s the funny thing about red lentils: when you buy them, they’re orange, not true red. And when you cook them, they turn yellow.

Yet, in this week’s parsha, Esau comes home from hunting to see his brother Yaakov (Jacob) cooking some lentil soup (Avraham had died that day and lentils are a traditional food of mourners).  ”Pour that very red stuff down my throat!” he cries.  ”Very red stuff”?  The sages teach us that on that day, Esau had committed his first murder and murderers see red drops, like blood, everywhere they look. Esau looked at the soup and saw red, like the blood he had that day spilled.  Instead of turning away from it, he turned toward it, he insisted it be poured into him.

This is the origin of the term “seeing red.”  When someone gets very angry, it is called “seeing red,” and it happens to all of us at some point.  I guess that’s because anger blinds us. It makes us irrational. It causes us to lose control. In some cases, it can even lead to murder or war.

The Torah teaches of four different types of people:

1. He who is quick to anger but slow to cool down.
2. He who is quick to anger but quick to cool down.
3. He who is slow to anger but slow to cool down.
4. He who is slow to anger but quick to cool down.

There is no 5th category for “He who does not get angry” because Hashem, G-d, knows it simply does not exist.  Even Moshe Rabbeinu got angry eventually.  We all do.  And no matter what name we call it – “angry,” “upset,” “annoyed,” “frustrated…” it is all part and parcel of the same emotion.  The question is what do we do with it.

The first category, “He who is quick to anger but slow to cool down” is considered in Torah to be a rasha, an evildoer.   This is the person who becomes angry easily and also holds a grudge.

The last category, “He who is slow to anger but quick to cool down” is the kind of person who takes a very long time and a lot of prodding to make angry – and once angry, gets over it very fast.  This person the Torah calls a tzaddik, a righteous person.

The other two are for mere mortals like you and I, and we appear on every point along the spectrum.  We all have our triggers. Some of us flare up easily and instantly, but have soon forgotten all about it.  Others of us hold grudges.  But no matter where we are on the spectrum, we should constantly be working on ourselves to move further and further from the first category, and closer and closer to the last one.

As for me? Well, I’m category number 2.  I know myself and I’ll admit my faults – I can have a temper!  But while I’ll flare up easily, I’ll soon forget an argument ever occurred, and you’ll rarely find me bringing up old scores.  In fact, I’ve often forgotten within moments that I was upset at all… and an apology is always a way to make me instantly drop all disputes and hurts.  For me, I have to work on controlling my temper and not getting angry as quickly.  And, B”H, as my friends who have known me for many years will tell you, I am succeeding in so many ways in this mission, although I still have far to go.

But what to do when we do become angry? What to do when we lose control?  The trick is that even if we become angry, we can still choose what to do about it.  I find it helpful to phone a friend.  Generally, once I’ve complained about something to someone else, I can let it go entirely and I truly do even forget about it.  Or I write about it.  In fact, I was angry about something when I sat down to write this post – but now I feel so much better, having tackled the anger inside of me head-on with Torah.  There are many ways to handle our anger that do not involve shouting, fighting, or curse words.   We don’t have to become like Esau.

In the coming week, let us all strive to find inner peace, to become angry slowly (or not at all!), and if we do become angry to recover from it quickly.  And that while we are angry, we find some positive and constructive way to channel our negative energy.  We do not need to let the yetzer hara or our inner Esau win.  We have the power to be and become better.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Toldos: Esau Teaches us Why it is Important to Exercise Self-Control… and to Show Gratitude Instead