Parshas Terumah: It’s Okay to Ask for Help

In Western society today, being tough and independent are qualities that are praised.  We expect men to be macho and strong and not to cry.  We even hear songs saying things like, “big girls don’t cry.”

It is hard to allow oneself to become vulnerable.  By letting down our guard, we open ourselves up to attack and criticism in the places where we are weakest.  Sadly, in modern society, there is a good chance that we may just be attacked if we do so.

But this is not the way of Judaism.  Judaism is a religion of compassion and love, as we learn from our forefather Abraham.  In Judaism, we should be able to open ourselves up and meet with comfort from others, not criticism.

Take for instance the emotion of grief.  Grief as an emotion is inherently vulnerable because we are already suffering a loss.  Yet, modern society seems to dictate that we have to be strong.  We are told to “accept it,” to “move on,” and, if we cry at all, we are expected to quickly wipe our tears away.  Most jobs today do not give time off to deal with grief – they expect you back at work as scheduled.  Judaism, on the other hand, embraces grief and its natural progressions.  Familial losses require one to sit shiva for a whole week, then to follow certain mourning rituals for the first 30 days and first year following the loss.

That is because in Judaism, vulnerability does NOT equal weakness.  If anything, vulnerability is yet another gift from Hashem.  Just as there are poor people in the world to give us the opportunity to help them through giving charity, so too each and every one of us has vulnerable moments to allow all the others to give them strength and love, caring and compassion.

Sadly, even asking for help these days is seen as a weakness!  (According to the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” men have an especially hard time with this, but it seems to us that it more likely stems from societal norms.)  Asking for help means you aren’t independent enough to do it on your own. And in modern society this is seen as a fault.

But even Moses had to ask for help sometimes, and he was certainly not a weak man.  Take for instance, the building of the menorah in this week’s parsha.  We see that Moses learned on Mount Sinai how to construct the menorah.  But when Hashem explained its construction to him, Moses didn’t understand. So he asked for more explanation.  G-d then showed him a vision (made of fire) of what the golden menorah should look like.  Still, when it came time to construct it, Moses still didn’t understand! So, as the Midrash says, Moses threw the gold into the fire and G-d himself constructed the menorah.  Moses was not afraid to ask for help.

So too us as Jews.  We must always be able to ask for help from our fellows.  It is not a sign of diminishment or weakness – it is actually a sign of humility and strength.  And, as Jews, if others open up to us and ask us for help, it is our job to give help, compassion, and love.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Terumah: Doing Things the Hard Way, Procrastinating, and Overcoming Laziness

Parshas Mishpatim: Treating Everyone Well

Most of us have heard of the “Stockholm Syndrome.”  This is when captors or prisoners begin to identify with their assailants, even to the point of rejecting their freedom or defending their abusers.  It is Stockholm Syndrome that keeps people in abusive relationships, so it is not as uncommon as it might seem.

In this week’s parsha, we read about what is to be done to a Jewish slave if he/she refuses to go free.  This seems irrational.  Why would someone not want to go free when offered their freedom?

At first one might think this is yet another example of the Stockholm Syndrome.  These slaves have, as a coping mechanism, begun to identify with their masters in such a way that they no longer value freedom.

Yet, this is not the reason for this behavior in the Torah.  Torah laws mandate that slaves must be treated well.  In some parts of the world, slaves are locked in small rooms and made to sleep on hard floors. (Sadly, slavery does still exist.)  They are beaten and are not allowed to communicate with their families.  Not so in Judaism!  Yes, slavery is allowed, but it is not the barbaric kind of slavery of which we hear so many tales.  Jewish law has no jails, so sometimes slavery was an appropriate way for a person to right the wrongs they have done.

In Judaism, even slaves must be treated with dignity and respect.  They are not beaten or abused.  They are given a comfortable place to sleep and good food to eat. Indeed, if a master has only one pillow, he must give it to his slave!

The lives of Jewish slaves, although made to work, was undoubtedly much, much better than being placed in the penal systems of today.  Today, prisoners in jails are only allotted a few hours of outdoor recreational time (if they are lucky!).  Prisoners who are on good behavior are allowed to work as a reward.  Being locked in a cell all day with nothing to do may sound restful and relaxing for a few days, but soon both mind and body begin to itch for something more to do.  Prisoners today come out of jail with a stigma that makes it hard for them to find work, even if they have attended educational services while incarcerated.

Jewish slaves, on the other hand, would have had no stigma once freed.  They could move to another city and nobody would be checking their criminal record.  They could start a new life.  And what’s more – they spent their time as a slave doing things.  They felt needed.  They might even have learned some new skills!  So slaves, once freed, were able to be even more valuable members of society than they were when they first entered slavery.

Being a Jewish slave would have been a relatively comfortable life.  Sure, the work was hard and long, but then again, many professions require long hours of hard work.  Slaves would not have needed to worry about where their next meal was coming from or how to pay the mortgage.  And they would have been treated nicely, with dignity and respect from their masters.  Once out in the wide world, there are no guarantees.  They might not have a job, they might live in poverty, they might have to beg.  For some, life as a slave was definitely preferable.

And if we as Jews have to treat our slaves so well, then how much more so does this show us we must treat all human beings with dignity and respect, compassion and care.  No matter what another person’s life history, background, or position in society, we must always show them this kind of respect and love.

Shabbat shalom!

Read more on Parshas Mishpatim: Welcoming the Strangers

Parshas Yisro: Valuing Our Converts

Our community in Adelaide, as with many small communities we know, is composed of a mix of Jews from a variety of backgrounds.  A handful grew up in observant homes, some grew up secular and later returned to Judaism, and quite a few converted.

Those people who converted often become an integral part of our community.  They are unique in that, like the Jews who left Egypt, they truly have the chance to accept upon themselves the obligations of Torah.  Spiritually, they stand at Sinai and say “na’ase v’nishma” – “we will do and we will understand.”  Anyone who is born Jewish is born with the weight of Torah obligations upon their shoulders, but a convert chooses to take them on for himself.  And often we see that these converts and their “love match” with Judaism really shines through, as they make a huge difference in the world around them by taking on the obligations of Torah and Judaism.

We are fortunate in that our community, although small, is very close and loving.  The Jews here do not judge or look down upon others for their levels of observance.  Especially we have noticed that nobody is judged for their background, convert or not.  Sadly, this is not so in every community, where sometimes converts are judged poorly, perhaps because they are different.  Yet, choosing to convert is a massive undertaking, a radical life change, and so converts should be admired for their taking on this commitment.

The importance of respecting converts and of recognizing their contributions stands out in this week’s parsha.  Yisro (Jethro), Moshe’s (Moses’s) father-in-law, has an entire parsha named after him.  Not only did he convert (Rashi), but he also went home and converted his entire family (Ramban), so great was his passion and love for Torah, so convinced was he of its truth.

Yisro’s contributions to the Jewish people were massive.  He proposed the essence of the judicial system Moshe employed, thus enabling Moshe to most appropriately direct his energies, and reducing the strife amongst individual Jews.  Perhaps because he was a convert, Yisro came to the Jewish people with a fresh new outlook.  He was able to apply his past experiences to his present state and use these as tools to help him improve the world around him.

Jewish history is riddled with stories of converts who have attained the highest of spiritual heights.  From Ruth (who was grandmother to King David and ultimately to Moshiach) to Onkeles (whose commentaries even today grace our Chumashim), we owe a debt of gratitude to the converts who have chosen to follow the path of Judaism. Let’s continue our Adelaide tradition of not only accepting, but embracing them!

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Beshalach: Finding Motivation

We hope you have all enjoyed your summer/winter break.  For those who have been on holiday, we hope you have had safe and pleasant journeys.  But every holiday must come to an end and then it is time to head back to work (or school).

Usually, going back to work (or school) is not very much fun.  Most people are not excited to head back to the office or the classroom the way they were excited to go on holiday.  Still, most of us have things in life we must do, even if we don’t enjoy them much.

We all have different things that motivate us.  Some people are motivated by the carrot (the reward they will get for doing something) and others are motivated by the stick (the repercussions for not doing something).  Either way, we all have our reasons for getting something done.  I might clean my kitchen because I love the way it looks when the counters are clean and shining or I might clean it to avoid getting bugs, but either way the unpleasant task will be done.

In this week’s parsha, the Jews might not have been so excited to head out into the desert.  After all, they are not gone from Egypt for very long before they get stuck at the Reed Sea and some begin suggesting that perhaps it would be best to just turn around and go back.  And even once they’re across, many of the Jews complain they miss the foods they are familiar with (like cucumbers and watermelon) from back in Egypt. So it’s likely that many of them weren’t all that motivated to leave Egypt.

So why did they leave, then?

Well, the slavery was not exactly pleasant.  And once Moshe (Moses) approached Pharaoh to ask for the Jews’ freedom, he intensified their suffering.  Not only that, but the Egyptians came chasing after the Jews.  If Pharaoh was angered by being asked to free the Jews and made their work harder, imagine what he would do to those Jewish slaves he managed to catch and bring back!  Those Jews who were motivated by the carrot no doubt envisioned that life in the desert would have to be better than life as a slave in Egypt, while those Jews who were motivated by the stick had been beaten down enough by Pharaoh to ensure a swift exit, even into the desert.

Sometimes G-d gives us similar motivations in our lives.  These motivations can come in all shapes and sizes.  G-d gives us babies who smile at us if we change their diapers – or smell bad we don’t.  He gives us changes, challenges, and opportunities in our lives to motivate us to better keep the mitzvot.  We can choose to be motivated by the carrot – the good that will come to us if we keep the mitzvot – or we can wait for the stick to prod us in the right direction.  Either way, it is up to us to find the motivation to move in the right direction, even if it isn’t always pleasant or fun at the outset.

Here’s wishing everyone the motivation to get done the things they need to!

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Va’era: We’re All Part of a Bigger Plan

This week our car broke down. It doesn’t look like a quick or easy fix and it was pretty inconvenient and uncomfortable being stuck on the side of the road out in the bush with two babies. It is the kind of incident that leaves you wondering why such a thing would happen.

As Rabbi and Rebbetzin we often get asked this question of why G-d allows bad things to happen. Of course the answer is that everything is part of a bigger plan we do not understand. G-d loves each and every one of us and our suffering is ultimately for the good.

But these ideas are abstract and hard to integrate.

This week’s Parsha exemplifies this concept. As you recall, after Moses first asks Pharoah to let him go, he makes the Jews work even harder. And now when Pharoah is finally ready to let the Jews go, G-d hardens his heart so Pharaoh can continue to cause the Jews suffering.

Imagine living in that moment. It would seem as if G-d was being unkind, or even cruel. But it is not so.

Looking back at the exodus from Egypt, we see many reasons it was necessary. The Jews had to undergo a stressful time in order to grow and change. G-d had to make miracles to show that He exists and cares for us. And Pharoah had to make the decision to free the Jews completely on his own, so his heart needed to be hardened in order to exercise free will.

But do you think at the point when Pharaoh’s heart was hardened the Jews saw it as a good thing? Or were they, like us, also lamenting, “Why, G-d, why?!”

Time and distance and wisdom can sometimes enable us to see and understand His plans, but not always. It is up to us to exercise the faith and trust to know that He IS looking out for us and taking care of us.

Shabbat shalom!

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Parshas Shemos: Of Births and Babies

Rabbi Ben with Akiva and Levi

This week while Rabbi Ben was learning, he read to me from the Talmud, that in the days of Moshiach, women will have a child every day.  We don’t know about you, but a child every day seems like more than we’re quite ready to handle. For myself, having only recently given birth, the thought of doing that every day does not sound like my idea of a fun time.

How about having six at a time instead?  We learn that in Egypt the Jews were “fruitful and swarmed and increased and became very, very strong.” Rashi learns out that this means the Jewish women had six babies at once.

How could this be possible? In recent years, multiple births have become more common, thanks at least in part to fertility drug usage. Still, sextuplets are a rare enough occurrence that most instances get a fair amount of media coverage.  And even in twin and triplet births, the rate of birth defects and health problems are greater, so how much more so if six babies are born at once? Now imagine the women in Egypt were made to do backbreaking men’s labor, even while pregnant, and without modern medical intervention and care. How can we possibly believe Rashi?

The answer, of course, is that G-d made a miracle.  When we think about the Exodus from Egypt, miracles are one of the first things that spring to mind.  So this is not too far off.

And Rashi wasn’t just pulling numbers out of the air – he did calculations to figure out that there were six children per birth.  The census one year after leaving Egypt states that there were 22,273 first-born males. Doubling that to account for the number of first-born females gives us 44,546 – the number of families (since there is only one first-born child per family).  The census also tells us that there were 603,550 men between the ages of 20 and 60.  We can double this to account for males above and below these ages, to give us 1,207,100 males. Doubling it again to account for females gives us 2,414,200 Jewish people total.

In those days, according to the Talmud, a woman needed two years after having a child before she could conceive again.  Once we consider the year needed to conceive and account for gestation, there could have been only one birth every three years.  A woman could have had then about 9 or 10 babies during her lifetime.  Yet, when we divide 2,414,200 Jewish people by the 44,546 families the census tells us there were we end up with 54 people in each family… enough for each family to have had 6 children per birth, 9 times.

Pretty amazing, right?

We think having one baby at a time is challenging enough, let alone six, and we’re kind of hoping that having one baby per day in the times of Moshiach is allegorical (Where would they all sleep? How would you remember all their names?).  I guess we will just have to wait to find out!

Shabbat Shalom!

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