Parrots in Copan, Honduras

Friday night we ate by this guy who is an orthodox Jew who does stand-up comedy at a number of venues around Norfolk, Richmond, and Newport News, Virginia. The amazing thing is that he goes into the comedy clubs and does his shtick wearing a kippah and showing he is proud to be a Jew.

We had a fun time at the Shabbat table throwing jokes back and forth. And it inspired me to post a series of jokes I used in my last routine when singing and telling jokes for a group of seniors in Florida.

Shlomo is walking past a pet shop and sees a bright colorful parrot in the window. He gets an idea; “This would make the perfect pet for my mother because they’ll be able to talk to each other.”

He enters the shop and engages the parrot in a few languages to see if it’s a good fit for his mother.

“Parele Vou France?” He asks the bird.

“Oui Je Parle France,” replies the bird.

“Habla Español?”

“Sí, hablo.”

Shlomo thinks there is no chance this bird can speak Yiddish!

“Kenst Yiddish?” He asks.

And the parrot without missing a beat replies: “Mit Za a loinge noz bist mir nisht a yid!” (“With such a long nose am I not a Jew?”)

So he buys the bird and sends it to his mother. After a few days he calls her and asks “So Ma, how’s the bird I sent you?”

“Ahhhh the bird,” she says. “It vas delicious!”

So Shlomo buys his mother a second parrot and explains to her that she is not supposed to eat the bird. Well this new parrot has foul language (no pun intended) and is swearing all the time.

Mrs. Shwartz threatens the parrot, “If you keep saying zis not kosher langvetch I vill put you in ze freezer and in ze freezer it is very cold and you vont like it.”

The parrot keeps swearing and Mrs. Shwartz puts him in the freezer. The parrot begins to shriek all kinds of obscenities, and then soundly is silent. Mrs. Shwartz waits a few minutes after hearing not a sound from the parrot and opens the freezer to find the parrot sitting in a corner staring back at her.

And the parrot says, “What did the chicken do?”

Here is alink from a TED conference with a brilliant talking parrot.

My Brother and Scoutmaster Playing Taps on the Bugle

We spent Shabbat in Norfolk, Virginia, which has a thriving Jewish community. We’ll write more about the Jewish communities around the area, over the next couple weeks as we stay here and visit them. What was amazing to me was running into an old friend from Boy Scouts. We were part of the same Shabbat and kosher-observant Boy Scout troop out of Sharon, Massachusetts. I overheard his name and recognized it immediately. I knew his whole family well from all the scouting activities we did. It has been probably twelve years since we last saw each other. We spoke Shabbat afternoon about the good old Jewish scouting days. I remembered how when I lost my kippah at camp his mother had an extra one from his brother’s Bar Mitzvah, which she gave me. We spoke about the Ponderosa camp, where we would each get our own horse for the week. We had to clean it, feed it, and ride it. Those were some fun old days.

By the nature of traveling around the world I’m often bumping into long-lost friends. There is actually a special beracha/blessing that one makes one seeing a friend for the first time. One makes a berach, blessing when seeing a friend for the first time in 30 days.

Baruch Ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melech HaOlam, shechechianu, v’ki’manu, v’higi’anu lazman hazeh.

This means: Blessed are You, Adonai Our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this time.

There is also a blessing which is made if one has not seen the friend in over one year. This blessing traselates as thanking G-d who revives the dead: “Baruch Ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melech HaOlam, mehayeh hameitim.”

One must also have had no communication with the person during the thirty days or the year in order to make the beracha. Making these blessings does not seem to be well-practiced today. Perhaps this is because we live in different times where it is really not so amazing to see someone again after a year.  People travel all the time. People go on a Sabbatical or away to school and come back after a year. It’s normal. But in the old days when someone would set out on a journey by land or by sea it was very possible that you may never meet again. Children would leave their parents to go to a far-off country knowing they may never see each other again, and therefore the beracha of ‘one who revives the dead,’ makes sense to say, as with the blessing of ‘shechachianu’ said after thirty days. Imagine if you were traveling by horse and carriage across the US a few hundred years go. When you’d come back and meet a friend it would be a special event. But now if you fly from New York for a holiday in Florida or the other way round, thirty days passing is nothing special.

Some hold that you should say the blessing without G-d’s name, which is what I like to do.

Here is a write-up about my Eagle Scout Court of honour that took place in a Synagogue, one of the special memories I share with my friend I met this Shabbos.

It's really no joke that in Boca Raton, women push their dogs in strollers and pull their kids behind on leashes. Isn't it time we reevaluate our priorities?

If you ever want to see something really strange, go to the Boca Raton Mall – there you see women with dogs in strollers and kids on leashes!

In travel, we’ve seen some pretty bizarre things. It always strikes me as odd when someone places undo importance on something unimportant, while ignoring the thing that really needs attention. One thing that’s often made me wonder is why people in America spend so much money on things that really aren’t priorities. For Rabbi Ben and I, travel and life experience are of primary importance. Until we someday have more money than we know what to do with (G-d, it’s fine with me if you want to make this come true!), I can’t think of any good reason to have an expensive car. There are inexpensive cars out there that are just as safe and just as reliable as the more pricey ones, yet countless people spend money to get that Lexus because – why? A Toyota isn’t good enough?

The fact is, these same people will often skimp on things that really matter. In several recent conversations with friends and acquaintances I’ve been told that once we have children, we won’t be able to travel anymore. Why? Well, first they argue that it’s impractical (I guess kids are an “inconvenience”?), then I am warned that it will be too expensive. Too expensive?! Well, a fancy car is expensive. Instead of spending money on that, we’d be much happier to spend less and just get by with a beat-up reliable old car, in order to be able to travel with our kids at least two months out of the year. In my opinion, travel is a great education for kids, so for me that’s top priority. It’s not about having fun (although travel can be fun); it’s about providing our future children with the most meaningful education possible. But although I often hear other people agree with me that they’d like to take their kids traveling more, I don’t often see them do anything about it. At the end of the day, I think many people are failing to prioritize the true priorities.

Rabbi Huttler spoke at a sheva brachot about this week's parsha and the importance of getting our priorities straight.

Earlier this week, I heard Rabbi Reuben Huttler of Los Angeles, who is related to the holy Ba’al Shem Tov, speak at my friend’s sheva brachot. He pointed out that in this week’s parsha, Gad and Reuven request to be given land the Jews had conquered outside of the proper land of Israel. Moses is pretty upset by this, but Gad and Reuven promise a few things: first, they’ll build pens for their livestock, then they’ll build cities for their children, and then they’ll rush out and fight to conquer Israel with the rest of the Jews. Moses gives them a quiet rebuke: he accepts their offer, but tells them they must build cities for their children and pens for their livestock. Without saying anything else, he reverses the order. This is Moses’s way of telling Gad and Reuven, “Hey, you guys have got your priorities wrong. You care more about your posessions than your children! Tend to your children first, then your material well-being will follow.”

The truth is that we get our priorities mixed up all the time, and we don’t need to travel to see it, although travel does often open our eyes. I shouldn’t have to go to Boca Raton to recognize that pushing your dog ahead of you while pulling your child behind you is wrong. I shouldn’t need to have someone point out to me that if being healthy is important, I should buy organic food and a gym membership instead of paying for netflix and video game systems. I know people who are masters of procrastination, who can make everything seem more important than what they really should be doing. This applies in the home (who doesn’t try to get out of doing chores?), in the workplace (who doesn’t want to avoid that long, difficult, and boring assignment?), and in our personal lives (who doesn’t make up excuses to avoid that one annoying friend?). Does that make this behavior right? No, of course not, but we all do it, all the same.

This week, let’s learn this lesson from Gad and Reuven and work on getting our priorities straight! SHABBAT SHALOM!

If you had to use toilets like this one I had to use in India, you would think twice about talking on the phone in there! You'd probably want to get out as quickly as possible!

In the airport yesterday on my way flying to Virginia I went to the bathroom. Now going the bathroom is a normal event that we think very little of to begin with. We do it at least half a dozen times each day and it’s just a normal, usual thing to do.

But this time I had an awakening. Now, awakenings don’t come often when going to the bathroom so I thought I’d share it.

I was using the urinal, the guy on my right was talking on his phone, to my left the guy was texting, and further to his left another guy was talking on his phone. It struck me as very interesting. I was the only person going to the toilet and not texting or talking on a phone at the same time.

Even in the stalls behind me I could hear talking coming from a couple of them and I don’t think they were conversing one stall to the other. I’ll bet that in some of the stalls where there was no talking the individuals there were possibly texting.

In Judaism we have a special blessing that is said every time when we leave the bathroom.

“Barukh ata, Ado’nai, Elok’eynu melekh aolam, asher yatssar et haadam be khokhmah, ouvara vo nekavim nekavim, khaloulim khaloulim. Galouy veyadua’ lifnei khisse khevodekha, sheim issatem ekhad mehem, o im ipateakh ekhad mehem, ey efshar lehitkayem afilou sha’ah akhat. Barukh ata, Adon’ai, rofe khol-bassar oumafli la’assot. ”

Here is written the prayer in Hebrew with the full  translation.
http://www.torahzone.com/AsherYatzar.htm

This blessing acknowledges the wonders that G-d created in our abilities to maintain healthy bodily functions and says how we could not live for even one hour without the body running properly. For all this we are thankful. There are millions of people out there who do not have control over their bodily functions.

I find it sad that all these people are absentmindedly going to the bathroom while on their phones, not even aware that they’ve just gone! It takes what is truly a remarkable event which we give thanks to G-d over and makes it almost as if it did not happen.

Once while in the bathroom I joined in on someone’s conversation. I was in one stall and they were in the other talking to whoever it was on the other end of the phone. I made believe the person was talking to me. And this surely messed with his head. As he asked a question to the person on the phone I would answer. He finally got annoyed and told his friend he’d call him back later. He did not mention he was on the toilet though and that there was a guy in the other stall was mixing in on his conversation.

Besides being mindful when going to the toilet according to halacha and Jewish law, we are not supposed to talk while in the bathroom, which prevents me from joining in more conversations.

Thus perhaps we should not be talking on phones when on the toilet!

Walking along the impressive walls of Jerusalem gives a new perspective on how serious it was when they were breached by invaders. Imagine if this was your home city being invaded: Would you be focused on food and drink or would you have more important things on your mind?

Have you ever experienced a real loss?  The loss of someone very close to you?  Fortunately, I have not had this experience, but I do know people who have.  And I know one thing about true grief from watching them: Other things become completely unimportant.  You don’t want to eat, you don’t want to drink, you don’t care what clothes you’re wearing.  All you can think of is that overwhelming sense of loss.

The 17th of Tammuz is a fast day that marks the beginning of the 3 weeks leading up to the major fast of Tisha B’Av.  These are 3 weeks of mourning that build in intensity and we start them out by fasting on this day, a day which has been a day of sadness for the Jewish people.

Numerous things happened historically on the 17th of Tammuz that we now mourn.  First, this is the day when Moses came down from Sinai and saw the Jews worshipping the Golden Calf; as a result he broke the tablet G-d had given him.  Second, during the Babylonian siege of Jerusalem, the Jews were forced to cease offering the daily sacrifices due to the lack of sheep.  Because we don’t offer sacrifices anymore, it’s hard to appreciate their significance, but they are important to our relationship with G-d and are an important way we achieve a sense of the gravity of our sins and what we must do to reverse them.  Apostomos, who was either a Greek or Roman officer, burned the holy Torah.  He also placed an idol in the Holy Temple (King Menashe of Judea did this, too, in a previous year on the same date).  Finally, and most importantly, after a long siege, Romans breached the walls of Jerusalem in 69 CE. As a direct result of this breach, the Romans were able to destroy the second holy Temple.  Also, according to the Jerusalem Talmud, the Babylonians also breached Jerusalem’s walls of Jerusalem on this date, before they destroyed the first holy Temple.  In more recent times, in 1391, in Toledo and Jaen, Spain, more than 4,000 Jews were killed.  In 1559, Prague’s Jewish Quarter was burned and looted.  Finally, in 1970, the country of Libya ordered that all Jewish property be confiscated.

These should be sobering thoughts.  The Jewish calendar is not linear, but circular – we relive what happened in the past as if it is happening today.  Imagine how you would feel watching Moses’s disappointment at seeing the Golden Calf.  Imagine having the walls of your city breached by an invading army. Imagine having your holy place of worship violated and desecrated right before your eyes.  Imagine having all of your property looted or burned; imagine your friends and family being brutally killed.  If you were in any of those situations, would you really feel like eating or drinking right now?  Or would you have other things on your mind?

On a fast day, G-d is especially open to hear our prayers and to accept our teshuva (repentance).  Today, instead of complaining that we are hungry and thirsty, let us focus our thoughts, minds, actions, and emotions on mourning the loss of the holy Temple and G-d’s presence in our midst.  Let us merit to see the days of moshiach, when these fast days will be turned into days of celebration!