Harry Houdini a Jewish Star in Hollywood

There are many stars laid out on Hollywood Boulevard and I’m going to share one of my favorites: Harry Houdini, the legendary escape artist who was Jewish and the son of a rabbi. Years ago when I was a kid and liked doing magic tricks I read a book on the life of Houdini.

I like Houdini from many of the stars because he is someone who worked incredibly hard to achieve the things he did. He did not become famous for his looks or perhaps his voice. He trained like crazy to learn how to pick locks, to hold his breath underwater, and to handle baths filled with ice.

In Judaism we respect effort; it’s the work that is put in. “The greater the effort, the greater the reward.” For one person one thing may come naturally where as for the other it is a great struggle. Thus the person who struggles and works hard gains more merit.

Sometimes I use Houdini as my inspiration to remind me to put in the effort.

It’s that time of year where I can see that I am not the only one traveling. There is a lot more movement going around as families and individuals move about from place to place.

In America most people will say they are going on vacation. In Australia it seems people say ‘going on a holiday.’ Is there a difference between these two terms that essentially describe the same thing?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe once said to someone that a Jew must not go on a vacation. A vacation is ‘vacant,’ it is empty. A Jew needs to always go on a ‘holiday.’ This is he goes and makes the place holy. He brings more light and spirituality to the area.”

Something else the Rebbe said once in reference to people going away for the summer: People will go to country home, which often not have as many luxuries as their usual place of dwelling. Some will even go camping where you have really nothing. Yet we’re happy. This is because the more we set aside all our physical attachments to the stuff we have in our homes the more at peace we are.

Have a safe traveling summer.

Rebbetzin Devorah Eisenbach has made it her life's work to reach out to Jewish women.

Last night I had the zchus, the great merit, to sit down and spend time with my own Rebbetzin, Rebbetzin Devorah Eisenbach of Jerusalem.  It happens that she came to Los Angeles at the same time!  Rebbetzin Eisenbach is a pioneer in outreach to less religiously observant Jewish women, breaking down the walls in women’s minds when it comes to the myriad misconceptions modern society seems to propagate about observant Judaism.

Rebbetzin Eisenbach said to us that many of the women she speaks with complain of something lacking in their lives: solid self-esteem and relationships.  She mentioned some things we’ve previously discussed on this blog, like the emphasis modern society places on ego-boosting possessions and clothing instead of true self-esteem, and also raised other issues, such as how women can improve their relationships with men in today’s crazy dating world.  Then she mentioned something else that rings very true: that many Jewish women out there simply do not know their rights.

In this week’s parsha, the daughters of Zelophehad – Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah – come to Moses when he is distributing land and ask that he give them some.  Normally the land was given out based on the men in the families (since they were head of household) but poor Zelophehad had died without any sons and his daughters wanted to inherit his portion.  Hashem declared that they were right to request this and that Moses must give it to them.  Thus, in Judaism women have the right to own land, which is a fundamental right and is the foundation and start for all fundamental human rights.  Rabbi Ben likes to say these women started the feminist movement!

In America, women have the right to own land, so for many of us this doesn’t seem very revolutionary.  However, according to the International Center for Research on Women (ICRW), less than 1% of the women of the world own land.  One UN-HABITAT study points out that “in Africa and South-Asia especially, women are systematically denied their human rights to access, own, control or inherit land and property.”  Because they cannot own land, women, who in some of these regions produce 60-80% of the food supply by farming land that is not theirs, are unable to pull themselves and their families out of poverty.  Because they cannot own land, women have much less political power.

In Judaism, women have incredible rights.  It is only in the last century that women have been granted the right to own property on a more widespread basis (and yes, this includes America!), but under Judaism, women have always had the right to buy, sell, and own property. Women can also write their own contracts.  Women have a right to consent to marriage (a concept that still does not exist in much of the world) and have the right to relations within the marriage – a woman must always consent, or it is strictly forbidden in Jewish law.  Even US law has some catching up to do in that regard!  Plus, women have rights under the ketubah, or marriage contract, that guarantee their husband will provide for them – even in the event of a divorce.

In Nepal, only 5% of cultivated land is owned by women. Although women in these Asian countries tend to do the bulk of the agricultural work, they own very little land and often have a hard time acquiring it. Judaism, on the other hand, has alway guaranteed women's rights, including the right to own land, as we see in this week's parsha.

In our travels, we often go to countries, like those in Africa and South-East Asia, where women don’t have the same rights we do in Judaism.  It’s something we may take for granted a bit in the Western world.  It’s important for women to have these rights, so they can be productive and successful members of society and so they can have self-respect and self-confidence.  And this benefits men, too, because women are not competitors, but partners.  After all, G-d created woman to be the other half to man, and in a healthy relationship, both work together.

I hope Rebbetzin Eisenbach’s new initiative will be successful.  Each and every one of us needs to have self-esteem and be self-confident, whether we are male or female.  And we all need to know and understand that G-d loves us and has guaranteed to us rights that cannot be taken away. And for any initiative designed to help us reach this goal, I say hatzlacha raba – great success!

SHABBAT SHALOM!

Going from Miami to L.A., we’re spending an awful lot of time in places where image is of supreme importance. One of my best friends just got married on Rodeo Drive, after all. You really can’t get much classier than that!

I know I’ve mentioned before that I don’t think happiness relies on image. Your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on what you own or what you wear, but that doesn’t mean this is the last word in Judaism on image. How you dress is undeniably important in Judaism. We have elaborate laws of modesty dealing with how to dress, for instance.

Recently, Rabbi Ben and I heard a couple of shiurim by Rabbi Yaakov Yagen. In both shiurim (one that we attended live in Miami and one recorded previously) he mentioned that he has a mirror in his front hall. He looks in it as he leaves to make sure he looks good, that he’s wearing a nice suit, that he’s clean, that his hair is combed. He mentioned three reasons why this is important.

First, self-esteem. It’s important to feel good about yourself. It’s important to know you look good. But you must be careful to make sure you’re making sure you look good for yourself, and not for other people. If you’re trying to dress to impress, STOP IT. Your motivations aren’t pure; they are purely ego. You should dress to feel good, to bolster your self-esteem, to make sure you feel good about yourself, not to feed your ego.

Second, moshiach. When moshiach comes in an instant we’ll be transported to Eretz Yiroel and will stand before him. Shouldn’t we make ourselves presentable? This point bothers me because it doesn’t mean that we won’t have an opportunity to change! What happens if moshiach comes when I’m in the shower? G-d won’t give me time to get dressed?? Of course He will! Besides, we’re supposed to fly to Israel on the backs of eagles.  Even if this does mean airplanes, I still don’t know if I’ll be comfortable traveling in my nicest outfit.  There are lots of stories of great gedolim (spiritual giants) who kept suitcases full of fancy brand new clothing to wear when moshiach comes. If we’re really faithful that mosiach is coming right now, then we should probably have a suitcase ready to go. I think that speaks volumes more than just making sure to dress well when you leave the house.

Finally, you should dress nicely to honor Hashem. Just as we dress up for Shabbat to welcome the “Sabbath Queen,” so too should we dress nicely every day to honor this body G-d gave us. Our bodies are on loan from G-d and, just as we’d care for anything someone else lent us, we should care for the bodies G-d lent us. We can do this by bathing regularly and dressing in a respectable manner.

Rabbi Yaakov Yagen is one of my very favorite rabbis and I respect him tremendously, but I do have some doubts or maybe questions about these statements. First of all, I wonder if this emphasis on appearance will lead someone to fall into the ego trap. All too often, prepping and preening lead to nothing more than vanity and ego. I also wonder if this emphasis could detract from other things that are more important. Will this desire to be clean and dressed well discourage someone from doing a mitzvah if that particular mitzvah, such as burying a dead body, happens to be particularly dirty work? And although I am nowhere near such a level, I wonder if the G-dly souls on this earth who are on the highest of spiritual levels are really concerned with these things.

Not only that, but what’s a “nice” outfit and what is “clean” is really a matter of culture and perception. In India, many rabbis and rebbetzins provide kosher food and Jewish experiences for traveling Jews, but I noticed that many of them don’t dress stylishly like New York Jews do. Are their dusty bare feet a disgrace or a testament to the myriad mitzvot they literally run to do every day? And what of the new mother? Is that small spit-up stain on her shoulder a disappointment to our heavenly Father or is it something He smiles at, as the mother does?

It’s true that maintaining a respectable appearance IS important in Judaism, but how to define that and to what extent I have to wonder. I want to make myself look good only so I feel good about myself and to be attractive to my husband: what other people think doesn’t concern me so much. At least, that’s the goal! And it’s a mitzvah, too. But I think modern society has taken this too far. Our styles and tastes will change. What was “appropriate” 20 years ago is no longer up to par. And when moshiach comes, I hope he’ll be more concerned with the state of my soul than the color of my skirt.

So what do you think about it? Should we put more emphasis on appearance or less? What is its true spiritual significance? Why do you dress the way you do?

On Monday, one of my very best friends, Ilana Levy, was married to Moshe Joseph at Nessa Synagogue in Beverly Hills.  It was a snazzy wedding!! I flew in early to help the kallah (bride) prepare everything for the wedding, which meant unpacking boxes, running errands, and fixing up the placecards.  It was nice to meet and get to know her chattan (groom), Moshe.  They’re a sickeningly cute couple who seem to be quite well-matched.

They’re both sephardi, so many of their customs are different from what I’m used to.  For example, they don’t separate during the week before their wedding (we ashkenazi don’t see each other during the entire week preceding the wedding – some people don’t even speak on the phone during that time!).  This meant that kallah Ilana and I could go to Moshe’s aufruf, a celebration in the synagogue where the young man about to be married is called to the Torah.  Because Moshe is also a chazzan, he also led the mussaf service.

There are many differences at the wedding itself, too.  Normally, sephardim don’t really have a kabbalat panim or bedekkin (where the bride has a receiving line and the groom comes and publicly covers her face with a veil).  My friends did do this because the groom really wanted it, but it’s not normally a sephardi tradition.  Another difference is that the groom does not wear a kittel (a white robe-like garment) under the chuppah and the kallah does not circle him seven times like in the ashkenazi tradition.

The wedding was very beautiful.  There were about 150 people in attendance.  The food was great and the dancing was even better.  I really enjoyed it mostly just because I was so happy for my friend!  She looked so beautiful and I know she is so happy… Plus, I am really happy she found such a great guy who is a perfect match for her!

MAZAL TOV!!!!