It’s All About Image… Or Is It?

Going from Miami to L.A., we’re spending an awful lot of time in places where image is of supreme importance. One of my best friends just got married on Rodeo Drive, after all. You really can’t get much classier than that!

I know I’ve mentioned before that I don’t think happiness relies on image. Your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on what you own or what you wear, but that doesn’t mean this is the last word in Judaism on image. How you dress is undeniably important in Judaism. We have elaborate laws of modesty dealing with how to dress, for instance.

Recently, Rabbi Ben and I heard a couple of shiurim by Rabbi Yaakov Yagen. In both shiurim (one that we attended live in Miami and one recorded previously) he mentioned that he has a mirror in his front hall. He looks in it as he leaves to make sure he looks good, that he’s wearing a nice suit, that he’s clean, that his hair is combed. He mentioned three reasons why this is important.

First, self-esteem. It’s important to feel good about yourself. It’s important to know you look good. But you must be careful to make sure you’re making sure you look good for yourself, and not for other people. If you’re trying to dress to impress, STOP IT. Your motivations aren’t pure; they are purely ego. You should dress to feel good, to bolster your self-esteem, to make sure you feel good about yourself, not to feed your ego.

Second, moshiach. When moshiach comes in an instant we’ll be transported to Eretz Yiroel and will stand before him. Shouldn’t we make ourselves presentable? This point bothers me because it doesn’t mean that we won’t have an opportunity to change! What happens if moshiach comes when I’m in the shower? G-d won’t give me time to get dressed?? Of course He will! Besides, we’re supposed to fly to Israel on the backs of eagles.  Even if this does mean airplanes, I still don’t know if I’ll be comfortable traveling in my nicest outfit.  There are lots of stories of great gedolim (spiritual giants) who kept suitcases full of fancy brand new clothing to wear when moshiach comes. If we’re really faithful that mosiach is coming right now, then we should probably have a suitcase ready to go. I think that speaks volumes more than just making sure to dress well when you leave the house.

Finally, you should dress nicely to honor Hashem. Just as we dress up for Shabbat to welcome the “Sabbath Queen,” so too should we dress nicely every day to honor this body G-d gave us. Our bodies are on loan from G-d and, just as we’d care for anything someone else lent us, we should care for the bodies G-d lent us. We can do this by bathing regularly and dressing in a respectable manner.

Rabbi Yaakov Yagen is one of my very favorite rabbis and I respect him tremendously, but I do have some doubts or maybe questions about these statements. First of all, I wonder if this emphasis on appearance will lead someone to fall into the ego trap. All too often, prepping and preening lead to nothing more than vanity and ego. I also wonder if this emphasis could detract from other things that are more important. Will this desire to be clean and dressed well discourage someone from doing a mitzvah if that particular mitzvah, such as burying a dead body, happens to be particularly dirty work? And although I am nowhere near such a level, I wonder if the G-dly souls on this earth who are on the highest of spiritual levels are really concerned with these things.

Not only that, but what’s a “nice” outfit and what is “clean” is really a matter of culture and perception. In India, many rabbis and rebbetzins provide kosher food and Jewish experiences for traveling Jews, but I noticed that many of them don’t dress stylishly like New York Jews do. Are their dusty bare feet a disgrace or a testament to the myriad mitzvot they literally run to do every day? And what of the new mother? Is that small spit-up stain on her shoulder a disappointment to our heavenly Father or is it something He smiles at, as the mother does?

It’s true that maintaining a respectable appearance IS important in Judaism, but how to define that and to what extent I have to wonder. I want to make myself look good only so I feel good about myself and to be attractive to my husband: what other people think doesn’t concern me so much. At least, that’s the goal! And it’s a mitzvah, too. But I think modern society has taken this too far. Our styles and tastes will change. What was “appropriate” 20 years ago is no longer up to par. And when moshiach comes, I hope he’ll be more concerned with the state of my soul than the color of my skirt.

So what do you think about it? Should we put more emphasis on appearance or less? What is its true spiritual significance? Why do you dress the way you do?